Styles Clash

Happy 21st. You're a special boy.

Is it true that when one gets older, one has less to say? Sometimes I wonder, what will be the testimony for me after I die? Will anyone even be there? Hehz

Define great. Sometimes we just envision greatness as something grand. The picture of massess cheering, the spotlight upon a hero, an physical act of large magnitude and scale we can never imagine e.g A king arriving in his shining army, with armies at his disposal. Sure, there's nothing wrong with that, but there is also greatness in being simple.

Something simple, like a mother's love is much greater than we can ever know, unless one is a mother herself. Balancing family, work, leisure, serving in church is not a feat meant for the faint. On that first christmas, greatness came to us in the most simple, humble form we can ever imagine. For if one is to be great, he has to be the servant of all...

'A loving and faithful son, friend, husband and father.' That'll suffice.

Small of many pieces.

Finally been able to access the internet after a long hiatus due to the undersea earthquakes in Taiwan (it's still abit slow though). Despite modern technology, we are still at the mercy of the winds and the waters. In fact, man is pretty helpless against nature.

Hmmmm.

Jonathan, Jon Chee, Gaode, Chee... Different names, same person. Seeing both families in the same place is just weird. MUOCF, as well as my GBC family. To see the reaction of the GBC people to OCF and vice versa (i doubt there will be any viceversa reaction. hahaha)

Things change. People change, places change. Maybe I'm the one that's changed? I dont know.

I like the 'gaode' part of me. Being a part of the 84' batch that just happened to stick around in church all this time while the rest of the young adults above us just mysteriously 'vanish'. To be the pioneers in many aspects. Growing up in a church since a kid just makes me more 'carefree' in church i guess? To take an infinite no. of potshots at ACC and just getaway with it... To see other people around me grow up, to just meet up once a year, laugh and chat with each other, and knowing that there is still a connection there.

I find it uber weird when my other friends find my church sisters/girls pretty etc etc... maximum weirdness... how am i supposed to respond to that? being indifferent? concurring? or just hit the guy? hahaha yeah and dont call me 'gaode' in front of my kids next time please...

The MUOCF part. 'JonChee' the PS. Frankly speaking I've havent got this one figured out yet. MUOCF is much much bigger than my own youth group, 100+ people!. Sometimes I really think that 'JonChee' is a madman/crackpot... hahaha

Integrity problem? I think not, there are many sides to a man. Trust me, your father doesnt act the same at home with the kids compared to when is he at work.

There is a time to be rara, to talk a whole load of nonsense, to play the concentration game, to brood, to think, to be left alone, to shut up and listen, to take up responsibility, to step forward.

Of many pieces.

I'm Blind, not Deaf

Queasy in the stomach. Felt like vomiting the whole night... urgh. A sign of overeating over the festive season? Perhaps. Hopefully I get better tomorrow for more food.

Oh I think Michelle Chia as a food personality is GOOD. hahaha

Sap-ped Out

The unbelievably sappy movies they play on christmas eve: Love Actually and The Family Man... yeah and I actually sat through them both. Well they are actually quite nice movies... haha I've never had a penchant for chinese drama serials, no matter how good they are. Why? Because it's always the same recurring theme: The unending need to fufill a person's seemingly given right at vengeance. It gets tiring after a while, not to mention boring. I especially do not like the island drama serials.... They are just poor. I remember once there was this 'bikini girls running down Orchard Road' drama serial that everyone in my bunk was just so crazy over.... As well as the whole nonsense about a certain star search winner being my ex-bunkmate's ex. hahaha a joke that became a rumour throughout the camp.

I THINK.... that I am slowly liking the feel good genre of movies... The story of an underdog overcoming all odds kinda thing. Be it winning a sports competition, getting his life right etc etc.... A slower paced movie. (a sign of getting old?) hahaha maybe

The First Christmas Carol

Glory to God in the highest.
And on earth peace to men on whom his favour rests

Something to be happy about

Word has it, that 490 SAR HAS BEEN DISBANDED!!! WOOOOOOOOOO!

Plus 3

Hmmm blogging of the top of my head. Just random thoughts since coming back to the island.

Few things that really evoke a response in me:

1) The green no.4 uniform. What is that? It' s the standard camouflage uniform for the island army. Yeah the first time i saw that in a year, it really sent chills down my spine. hehz. apparently, in addition to a name, they have the word 'Sin***ore' sewn onto the uniform now.

2) The state of fashion on the island, or the literal lack of it... Sometimes I just understand why JohnM says 'I dont like summer'. At moments like these, I wished I didnt have perfect eyesight and normally the distateful dress sense comes from ahlians. OK shall stop being critical now.

Other random things

- Bookstores here wrap all their books and people cant read books at the bookstores. People are expected to BUY the books home to read. bummer man.

-Friends getting engaged/thinking of getting engaged. Frankly speaking, it's something that's definitely not that out of the blue. Not everyone's lives follow a certain same set of timing. Soon there will be weddings to attend, and red packets to give. haha the next phase of life

- Met up with different groups of friends today. Yeah just happy to be in their company. Listening to my friends' outlook on life, about earning the big bucks, listening to people complaining about getting old/being uncle. Just chatting and having fun. (Well fun nowadays is just hanging out with people and talking, enjoying each other's company) It's not about the place, the activity, but I guess it's about the company/people we spend time with that makes a difference.


At the end of the day, we just look back at life and have a good laugh at it. To everyone who's reading, have a blessed Christmas and may you find the true meaning of Christmas.

Heart

But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.

If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.

The Cage

Well it wasnt pretty much of a cage. It's just a warehouse with a turf, and 10 people just play soccer/football inside. Loud hip hop music blaring on the speakers to add to the 'atmosphere', but the weather just turns me off.

I AM UNFIT. I've put on a few kilos and i'm starting to feel it. Crap, I was the youngest there and there wasn't a difference between me and all the other 28 year olds. In addition to that, the humidity killed. I've never had that much sweat on lingering on me in a whole year. Not good not good.

In short, got my butt kicked. again. ):

Babysitting

I wonder what ever happened to this kid. He sure isnt that cute anymore. hehz

What have I been up to? Besides laughing at old photographs (i have actually more photos than I think), I actually went BABYSITTING today. Well, it wasnt planned but I ended up babysitting T2's cousins while she shopped!

haha... where did we go? Ended up at the arcade looking at them play games, and watching a movie. (:

Yeah and my stand still remains the same: I dislike ah-lians big time. They should learn to shut their mouths and talk softly. Turned-off big time...

Hmmmm. The island is still boring, I remain adamant about that. It's not about the things to do, but rather the company I guess. 'You don't miss places, you miss the people.'

'Why did you choose me?'
"It's about your heart."
'My heart is not without fear.'
"I am never without grace."

Anyone up for cage soccer tonight? 10pm-12am. After that there's a welcome chee back dota game??? hahaha what the? thanks guys

The Way things were

I think the only familiar thing I have here is my room, which was shared with my brother once, and happens to double up as the study room for my dad when i was around.

Yeah i think i need to get used to the humidity, rain, hawker centres, singlish, bad service (:

Which is it?

Going back or leaving?

Back to find photographs and memories....

Little Drummer Boy

Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum
A new born King to see, pa rum pum pum pum
Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pum pum pum
To lay before the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

So to honor Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
When we come.

Little Baby, pa rum pum pum pum
I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum
I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum
That's fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum,
On my drum?

Mary nodded, pa rum pum pum pum
The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum.

Madness

"Are you a mad and crazy scientist?"

Yes I am on my way to be a scientist. Am I mad and crazy? Well, you've got to have that certain degree of craziness to believe that prayer defies all laws of science, nature and human logic.

Went down to Citylife Knox today and it was a real eye-opener for me. To be part of a 'mega-church' congregation... well to me, anything larger than 1000 is considered mega for me, and it really is a stark contrast to the churches I usually attend.

Learn. That was the first thing that was placed in my heart once I stepped into the congregation. I don't know whether its really true or not, but I just felt that citylife knox was really a church rooted in the community. Correct me if I'm wrong though.

On the day before, I was talking to my cell group leader about finding and settling down in a church. It's interesting to hear people's take about their reasons for being in a certain church, or their criteria in finding one. A loving community, strong in the word, a united vision, a church that is passionate about reaching out and spreading the gospel etc etc.

What about the churches that are not doing so well? What if God sends you back to one of them? What if God places you there so that He could use you to change that place? I always and will always consider GBC my home church and it definitely has a special place in my heart. I believe it was all part of God's providence that I stayed at GBC, and even for a few weeks, I still believe that He can use me, even just to the youths. Revival? We gotta have faith and start believing that revival will come, and it will come.

Even now, despite having the trifactor (No M, no A, no Flight), I believe thatGod will make a way for me back this coming week.




The Reason for the Season: The servant king

Sometimes I can just only stand in awe when I hear the story of Christmas again. This time around, the thing that really sticks out in my heart is the humility of Christ, 'who did not consider equality with God something to be grasped....' The Son of God, who is one with the Lord of Hosts, whom the angels sing and bow down to, came in the form a little helpless babe, born in a manger, delivered by a virgin Mary. His ways are truly higher than ours, and sometimes I really just sit there and listen in awe, just knowing that the Son of God went through so much just for you and I.

A purpose and meaning in life. Dreams that I dont dare to dream anymore. I dont know how it is with every guy, but something that I just secretly desire is to be able to fight for something/someone I love. Ironically, despite of me really not liking physical fighting and wars, there really is war we cannot see out there and God has chosen me to be the PS. Yeah His sense of humour is still there.

Madness. To believe in miracles once again. Follow me as I follow Christ....
Be strong in the Lord and His mighty power

Afterthought

Hope dangles on a string, like slow spinning redemption....

He likes quiche with that latte without sugar
He likes cheesecake, together with a bottle of Stella
He loves to see someone smile.
He loathes sad faces.
He yearns for the simple life, but dislikes himself for thinking too much.
He longs for a simple, unwavering faith.

'Did you ever regret saving anyone?' I asked him.

'How do you even know who you're helping? Let's say a man is drowning or someone is stuck in a burning building. You come in with superpowers and all, save the poor soul from dying, but why do you even do it? For all you know, the man you saved today could be a closet pedophile, a rapist or a serial killer who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and tomorrow he could just go on to kill or rape someone else because you just gave him a chance to live. You wouldnt even know!'

An awkward silence followed. I stared him, trying in vain to figure out the expressions hidden under the masked face. Then slowly he spoke:

'Do you believe in redemption?'

'Everyone deserves a second chance.'

Trust me, I wanted to be there. Circumstances.

Now I'm hungry.

I always remember what my bro told me, 'You're different. Never forget who you are. ' Now I'm starting to feel it. Guilt setting in.

double sigh...

Trouble Sleeping

It's 6am. Trust me, I never intended to wake up this early for no good reason.

I never wanted to wake up in cold sweat, to find my bed totally empty, with all the pillows, sheets and the comforter (of all things) thrown all over the floor...

Christmas for a Reason.

Christmas is coming and I'm looking forward to it. Normally, it's just like any other holiday season, but somehow this year, I'm expecting something different. There's this thing in the back of the head that's telling me it's gonna be GOOD this year (:

Silent nights. To get to know Him more.

Oh on a side note, i do hope i can get a flight back to the island. Looking at the way things are going, yeah I'll just have to believe.

I like kids. I dunno how to really put this into words. I dont really hug kids, talk to them, sing with them, play with them. I try, but I dont think I'm really good. Kids just look at me and go 'wow....'. But there's just something about a child's smile which i really like. I can't really put my finger on it, but it hurts me bad to see a lost, crying, sad child.

Children dont deserve to be sad. Peace. It's something worth protecting and fighting for.

Frail

I fear this love reaction, like you said I would....

oops. sometimes things just dont happen to turn out my way. my luck doesnt run that far.

oh well in all things be content (:

Conversations with an angel

"Hi! I'm your angel"

'Oh! thanks!' *stares in disbelief*

"er... do you serve alot in OCF?"

'er.... i just help out with prayer in my centre'

"oh so you help the prayer secretary?"

'I am the prayer secretary'

"oh. then say so la!" *priceless look*

New Dawn

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is notpuffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things...

It's never about me... Expect nothing in return.

The older brother syndrome... I really pray against that. Sometimes, I feel just like the prodigal son's older brother. Looking at the people around me, those who accepted Christ in recent years, those who are younger than me. I just look at how amazingly God has blessed them, in terms of knowledge, spritiual gifts, physically as well. Compared to myself who has supposedly been a christian for 12+ years?? I feel put to shame sometimes, even sometimes feeling like Jonah. The message at convy really rings.



'If you never felt like the older brother, you dont know God's grace at all.'



“And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours.


Grace.

That crummy feeling

Yeah when words mean nuts to people i guess... :(

When you got a gut feeling that things are not ok.

Sigh. I've never sighed that much before...... maybe that's part of being human.

How many times?

Maybe sometimes being subtle is not enough...

Hmmm how many times we never see something to the end. Every shot a sportsman make, be it basketball or football, he always see the shot to the end, until the ball hits the net...

I guess sometimes I'm guilty of it in prayer, I never hang around to see the answers. or I do not presevere in it. Pray with faith and believe.

Other facts

Acronym games, late night talk shows with SK, walks to lakes/ponds/swamps, finally having an angel that actually gives me stuff and reveals themselves.

yeah all part of the weekend (:

Unchanging truth, Undying love

What is it?

God love you.
God has a plan for you.
Sin seperates us from God
Jesus died for our sins.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

The message of the Gospel. I should be eating living sleeping breathing the message of Christ. Do I do everything in the name of Christ and for the glory of His kingdom?

It has been an eventful four days, and miraculous nonetheless.
It was as if every single prayer that was said at IP, God presented the answers physically to me. Glory to God. To people it might be just another simple sharing, but to me its really all just answered prayers and seeing the name of God being glorified.

Ask and ye shall receive
Seek and ye shall find
Knock and the door shall be opened unto ye.

If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.

His word is truth. No doubt about that. The power of faith in prayer. Missions and prayer go hand in hand. Never seperate them. But it really was a time of thanksgiving for me to see prayers being answered. How great is our God.

It's interesting how God always sobers me up. For a while, every morning prayer I start off with is 'Thank you God, for I am still alive'. I never really knew why i prayed that, but I guess it just stuck, and I am really grateful for life itself. Then it really gripped me one night that the Lord gives and takes away. Hence the question that really tore me apart what if one day, out of a sudden God really decides to take my life away... literally.

To live is Christ, to Die is Gain.

When people talk about surrendering, they talk about time, money, careers, relationships. It's all important, but the question that is what about LIFE itself. Afterall, Christ was obedient until death, and we talk about living like Christ did. There is definitely going to be persecution, and in some cases DEATH. Am i willing to die for the gospel/Christ?

Life changing experience? Perhaps. 1 life, 1 shot at preparation for eternity. Sobering isnt it.

But I still give thanks that it'll be Grace that takes me home.

Another one of things that struck me was the simplicity of the man I roomed with at convy. Simplicity. A simple faith, a simple man. He did everything with a smile despite his disabilities... I really like simple people. Life should be that way... simple.

Never thought I would blog again that soon, but yeah....

Sometimes....

Watch your doctrine and your life closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both YOURSELF and your HEARERS....





'Sometimes, even spiderman needs to be saved...'




Till further notice.....

Anticipation

Scrap the soccer plans today. And to think that I was looking forward to it...

What's new, what's new?

Always anticipating for the day to come, but when it comes, it's just like any other normal day... Or its just falls flat.

Awesome

To be put slightly out of depth and to really be reminded...

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed.

We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.

It's about time I step up and pick up my game. His righteousness goes before me, His glory my rear guard. Time to shine that armour.

On another note. I like sweet potatoes (: hahaha

Phenomenal

There is some truth in that joker's statements.

It's quite interesting to read some of the stuff I posted back a year ago. Anyway, spent a portion of my afternoon yesterday talking to tmh. There's always shreds of truth in jokes... Despite of him semi-joking about being depressed about NS, i know its true.

'Been there, done that'

For once, I can really say, 'I know how you feel'. It's a different aspect to returning.... NS' totally different from getting a job and working. No offence to anyone, but not alot of people can really/or will ever understand/emphatise with them. I can even write as much as I want here, but if one hasnt gone through it before, it's just hard to picture it.

To have your life literally given away for 2 years. To have 2 years ripped away from you. Most of the time, while the people you know are out there are having fun and moving on with life, you are in there watching them past. In addition to that, it is a trying time... Man I really hope that they get day jobs there and get to go home everyday.

Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from the evil one...

Does N and MH have support? I really pray that God will use me somehow.

Overwhelming

What's overwhelming? Coming back home and receiving 15 emails from the cell group about sabo-ing the cell group leaders.... what the? hahaha poor them.

Another thing overwhelming? That I will be doubly judged and held accountable because I am a leader. To whom more is given, more is expected.... Top line blessing, bottom line responsibility.

Well its a long term thing. 4 life. In it for the long haul. eternal persepective. This life and beyond. After all, it is a marriage for eternity.

One more thing overwhelming? To have a 1 on 1 encounter with Him in the secret place. I am really blessed and thankful.

Timestop

Ironcially, the clock in zombieland has stopped. Time seems to be passing by really slowly today... It's the 'I want to get it over and done with' feeling. Like a kid who cant play outside with his peers because he's stuck at home doing work. haha...

In short, I'm bored.

It sure feels weird to be alone in an empty zombieland. Sighness man. Plastered to my seat because I cant go anywhere. Too lazy to pack my laptop into the bag and go for a walk lugging it around...

What have I been up to in zombieland? Besides doing pathology questions, just youtubing a variety of sports/music vids. Man...

Hmmm what am I going to do when the exams end? I really don't know. hahaha same old answer to a same old question.

grrrrrrr.... i feel bottled up now.

hehz. tmh just suggested playing soccer just now. Frankly speaking, if not for the 36 degree celsius outside, I would have just given in and gone for it....

Invulnerable.

I am not invulnerable.

The opposition again? maybe it is.

Sometimes its better to shuddup, stick it in, and walk on. That oh so familiar feeling is back. The world does not revolve around me.

A fool give rises to anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control
Do u see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

Now is a good time to practice self control and to raise that shield as high as I can.

Finally...

The last week of exams. In some ways, I'm glad to see people happy now that exams are over. The slight traces of smiles on people whose exams are finishing as well (:

yeeps i need to learn to be more sensitive to the people around me...

I still have exams

Why does the library not have extended hours anymore? It is still the last week of the exams after all. Haha well I guess most of the people are done with it anyway and I'm still dealing with it. The irony of this whole exam period is that, the subjects i thought to be the hardest werent that awful, but viceversa, patho which is supposedly/rumouredly easy.... well lets just say i'm really having a 'ball' of a time with it right now! Anyways His grace is sufficient and will see me through, yeah no point whining.

'Whining is for losers, winners go home with the prom queen.' Sean Connery said in 'THE ROCK' movie in his stupid scottish Accent. Just kidding....

man... it'll be me all alone in the library on monday and tuesdays ): at least there wont be problems with being to be unable to find studying space. Feeding plan would be a bother as well. gah!

It's funny how short sighted people can get. I remember last time (ohdear... there he goes again) how angry people would get when they see others sleeping while they were working. Truth to be told, if someone has done his work, tried his best, paid his dues, then let that man rest. 'Jobscope, kbk' were all terms used back then. As much as i would like to deny it, I am guilty of playing politics last time as well. ok enough of this recollection/ramblings.

I need to exercise. It's saturday morning and the weather is beautiful! I should be out there running in the sun! Man i just feel like running to the hockey pitch right after my paper, play a gd hour or so of soccer, then shower and smell nice, and head over the C meetings and have wonderful food cooked by other people. woohooo! and i'm excused from cooking as well.

haha k pardon my momentary selfishness. back to essays!

Frail

Convinced of my deception
Ive always been a fool
I fear this love reaction
Just like you said I would

A rose could never lie
About the love it brings
And I could never promise
To be any of those things

If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be...
I would be...
I would be...

Blessed are the shallow
Depth theyll never find
Seemed to be some comfort
In rooms I try to hide

Exposed beyond the shadows
You take the cup from me
Your dirt removes my blindness
Your pain becomes my peace

...frail

4 Life

Ps Chris is cool. I think its really blessed to be really affirmed most of the time by people of spiritual authority. Man I really wanted to talk to him, but there were so MANY people and I had to clean up the NDH.

Returning NDH to the state it was before we borrowed it. R always says, 'we never seem to get the arranging of tables right'. Its hard work to put back 20 tables into a room filled with people and chairs. Trust me, even after doing it so many times, it never ever looks right. hahaha

So many things going through my head now. It's all in a whirl, together with the facts of exploding blood vessels and chicken parma-ish lungs.

For myself, Ez 33:6 and the whole thing about 'words not falling to the ground'. The words that come out of my mouth as well, isit like Samuels, which God never let it fall to the ground even once?

Faith beyond plain emotions. which blossoms to trust.

Perseverence and Obedience.

He already said so, and it will be done. But are we submitting to His will? Is the ministry/ourlives 100% all out for Him? Are we allowing His will to be done? In other words are we trusting Him completely?

Man, I'm gonna feel weird on Monday nights without IPs. Anyone still wanna meet up? I dont mind organising it.

exciting exciting...

Hymn

Oh refuge of my hardened heart
Oh fast pursuing lover come
As angels dance 'round Your throne
My life by captured fare You own

Not silhouette of trodden faith
Nor death shall not my steps be guide
I'll pirouette upon mine grave
For in Your path I'll run and hide

Oh gaze of love so melt my pride
That I may in Your house but kneel
And in my brokenness to cry
Spring worship unto Thee

When beauty breaks the spell of pain
The bludgeoned heart shall burst in vain
But not when love be pointed king
And truth shall Thee forever reign

Sweet Jesus carry me away
From cold of night, and dust of day
In ragged hour or salt worn eye
Be my desire, my well sprung lye

If you get upset or stressed with me,
dont be, coz God aint done with me yet

Morning rants

Some fine weather today. Glad to be able to see it (:

Hmmm where do I even start?

3Ps to pray for (wrt Ministry):

Perseverence
Provision
Perspective

1st P, Perseverence.

I think that it'll be a very sad thing to find out that we havent moved on when we come back from the break. Like an old chinese analogy. If we are rowing upstream, there's no such thing as being stagnant/remaining at the same spot. Its either we are rowing and making progress, or we are sliding backwards. The break is just preparation for the road ahead. I really hope everyone remains obedient during the break, despite the circumstances, despite the refining process, despite their feelings. Be it Leaders or not (moreso for leaders). Out of love comes obedience...

2nd P, Provision

Haha this one we know best and alot of people think its the nicest P. Yup indeed our cup overflows. Its not just a material thing, but to know that He provides the refining process for us as well and that in all things He works for the good of those who love Him.

Last P, Perspective

The hardest one to write about. I dont really know, but for PM and myself, I guess the thing now is to have the eyes that look at the eternal perspective, not just the year ahead. To do things that have eternal value. To equip people for LIFE and beyond. To really provide an environment for people to learn how to pray. To encourage people to discover that intimacy/relationship with God. Useful lessons that will go beyond the university. Building into the Kingdom of God rather than Operation candyfloss. Obey and submit and follow....

Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done.

A picture says a thousand words

I am starting to think that I'm not a picture person, especially when it comes to studying. Pictures of exploding blood vessels look all the SAME to me. I cant really tell a slight difference, except that one looks nastier than the other? I'm not even a full out medicine student man, and I use wikipedia to find out the meaning of terms. How sad is that man.

Give me lists/diagrams anyday. please no more stupid pictures.

Another Day

Woke up with a yawn and I'm still alive
Tuned in my radio to start a new day... :)

The New French

It's no longer neuro anymore. Factors VIII, IX, Van Willdebrand Factor, thrombopoietin, TPO, TPML, HPA. Who knew bleeding could be such a pain. Not literally. Learning about blood. Haematology. Not interesting at all.

How much am I supposed to know? hmmmmmz

The Wonders of Modern Technology

The amazing thing about technology is that one can choose to send a msn message to another person who is less than a metre away. Instead of using plain ol' conversation. oh the sadness. how lazy has technology made us. haha

Break It Down

Beautiful day out there.

There's just this foreboding sense of danger/harm?? I don't know... It lingers at the back of my head, like a storm cloud gathering.

Back to the island. Funny why I should be so apprehensive about it. Am I scared? Maybe I really am. More than I would like it to be. Opening up a closet of bones. They say there's no such thing being stagnant, its either moving forward or backsliding.

The end of the year/end of exams doesnt signify anything at all. The End is just the Beginning. Am I ready??? I hope so...

Patho seems like another memory subject. My my... Oh well. What happened to good ol' 'understanding the concepts'??

.... A call to persevere.

I'm starting to feel it. The tiredness is setting in. The mind is willing but the flesh is weak. His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

But praise Him for the miracles. He listens, He answers, and sometimes He answers swiftly. Praise Him.

To be relentless... Like Joshua who took down city after city after city.
To wrestle till daybreak like Jacob and NOT let go
To persevere....

Stuck in my Head

There is a song I heard over the radio at Subway (of all places) that is stuck in my head. I dont know who sang it, I dont know the title, and I cant even remember much of the lyrics anymore. Man bummer to have this feeling man

1 more to go.

It's scary how me and LtheP were talking about refining, and things are already happening with other C members. Stand firm. It's gonna be a while tonight.....

Ok ok. Next time I wont say study hard or study smart. Er.... study sensibly? hahaha unless someone doesnt have common sense as well. oooops just kidding. I still want my latin lessons. Things will be over and done with soon and you can rub it into the people who are finishing later than you. hahahaha (:

Hmmm onto other interesting things. IP only had 3 people today, but it was kinda expected. 1,2 or 100, IP still goes on. It was really encouraging tho, to see L coming for IP and to see her earnestly pray and seek.

What does the watchman do? Ez 33. A sobering message indeed. If something or a warning needs to be said and he dont say it, blood is on his hands, and he has disobeyed. Yeah.

Swiftly it shall come. Be ready for it.

Up not Down

If you look down, you'll just realise how far you are away from the ground.

Thank God. For He is your portion.

Swift and Decisive!

Or maybe not.

I dont like the feeling of starting from scratch. From tomorrow until the following Wednesday, its patho from the beginning of week 1 material.

Once more, from the top....

Land of the Zombies

Oh dear... the person right beside me now is uberstressed.
She hasnt stopped since 11am. Not even for a drink/toilet break. I hope she's ok...
(:

Blessed Are Those who Mourn...

For they will be comforted...

I'm affected. I dont know why, but the sight of people despairing over the exams just make me sad as well.

I know nothing I say will change how they feel. I'm not in their circumstance, and I wouldnt ever know how they really feel. Everyone's stressed. Me included. But I know one thing:

My God is bigger than the exams. He is much much much bigger than it. He loves odds.

I can only pray now.

Gifts and Curses

From the Spiderman2 OST.

Mary's alive in the bright New York sky,
the city lights shine for her, above them I cry for her.
Everything's small on the ground below, down below.
What if I fall, then where would I go, would she know?


She is the one, all that I wanted,
she is the one, and I will be haunted,
she is the one, this gift is my curse for now.

Poor ol' pete, always pining for MJ... haha

Just liked the bridge of the song with the violins, pianos and then the full rock band coming in ala 'My immortal' style (:

Words

The power of words, that it can tear down as well as build up. Especially when one is young and impressionable.

It doesnt feel good to be called useless when you're young.
It doesnt feel good to be called a letdown when you're young.
It doesnt feel good to be told that you wont live long when you're young.
It doesnt feel good to be given up on.
It doesnt feel good when people dont believe in you anymore.


It's all a distant memory now and the statements definitely hold no weight at all... but sometimes words just have that lasting impression on one's heart.

It is my prayer that I never ever hurt anyone to that extent. Although its hard to say or predict now, I hope I never ever scold my own kid stupid or just shatter his confidence with words said out of anger.

It really sucks and it hurts. It really does.

Stick and stones might break my bones.... but words?

More things

To be thankful for!

Thanks for the people who sent messages to me to encourage me. Will get down to thanking people individually soon, after the paper/s.

1001 Things

To be thankful for.

Sometimes I really think that wrong attitude really grieves the Spirit. It's about heart and attitude for alot of things.

Not excellence in work, but rather an excellence in spirit and attitude.
I firmly believe that He is gonna bless ACCORDINGLY, regardless of whether we ask or not. But it says Seek first His kingdom and righteousness, all these will be ADDED unto you.

A T T I T U D E (or the heart)

We can NEVER change God's will, but by prayer, we can move Him to change the way His will comes to pass. e.g Hezekiah, Elijah, Jacob. If we ask in His will, and have remained in Him, I believe ask ANYTHING and it will come to pass. That's where faith comes in. BUT It is always by HIS grace that He answers. He CHOOSES to listen. He doesnt have to, He DOES listen and He DOES answer. That's what so amazing about it.

And so if we are so sure that God has promised, that it will be the year of the Lord's favour for us, I reckon the ball is really in our court. How MUCH do we desire to see something happening in 2007? To really let Him make it the His year. Are we gonna fall back into that cycle again?? Maybe I'm wrong, or I'm just a plain lunatic for saying this: The attitude of our hearts, the urgency of our prayers, the desperation we have for His work to be done, our faith and actions WILL make a difference to what we are going to see happen in 2007

You do not have, because you do not ask God.
Most appropriately the title of this paragraph is submission.




It's not that _______ is a bad thing, but I guess circumstances really do change. People see, and most of the time, they misintepret and they think its acceptable, but somehow things just go way outta hand. It's about people on top setting the culture?

Wait then? I dunno, its probably hardest for me. I guess that P_ _ will just have to wait...

What of this Life?

Perhaps now is not a good time to be asking mind boggling questions. So what of this life??

Maybe its just the thought of going back to the island for a while just sets me thinking. I don't know... but F-U-N seems to be a very foreign concept to me these days. Is that all to it this summer again? Sleep in? Eat? have fun??? What are the things that are of value?? I'm a sad bunny you say? haha yeah maybe....

Things I should do... some of it maybe long overdue, but I guess it is a good time to do it this summer at the island.

- Visit my grandfather's grave and pay my respects. Change the flowers and put new ones in. I know the spirit has already ascended, and some people dont see the point in doing it. But I'm chinese, and my roots run deeper than some of you can ever imagine...

- Visit my grandmother on my own. I dont really know what to say to her when I see her, the words wont come and it'll probably be awkward silence... but its really the action that matters I guess.

- Spend more time with mom and dad. That's a given

- Spend more time with the church youths and young adults. Perhaps this is the long overdue one because of my 2 years 'semi-absence', where I vanished off the face of the earth and No I'm not there to make up for it. All things work out for His Good. I probably dont know half of the youths now, neither would they know me. It's always good to catch up with my peers tho.

Yeah I know, its a family affair.

On a totally different note, a new life beckons. For the parents as well. They say life changes when the kid comes. A whole new journey definitely.


'This one's for you....' R sends out funny emails; in a nice way tho.

Fairytale? hmmmmmmmm doing something for that special someone, putting 100% for that someone, being there for that someone. Isnt it supposed to be nice/pleasant? haha of course it cant be done in a sleazy way or with ulterior motives and the above statement shouldnt be made ala onetreehill/OC style. Definitely real giving doesnt ask anything in return, but its nice to feel appreciated once in a while (:

Vanity Fare...

Today in zombieland, I witnessed camwhoring at its best

Where do I start?..... Hmmm I was at one of the carels when a couple came in and the female side of the partnership sat at the carel beside me. Things were relatively ok for the first twenty minutes until i took a break and realised that she wasnt studying and was reading a chinese gossip magazine.

The boyfriend was doing work, but she wasn't. No exams, not studying? I have no slightest idea. But that's not the point. Suddenly out of her bag she whips out make up... and not just like a barrel lipstick, but like LOTS of stuff. Being a guy, I have no idea what they were, and I wasnt really interested anyway... And right in the middle of the library, she decides to touch up on her make up right there. At first I was still pretty cool with that. Until I realised she was on it for more than 10 minutes, I was starting to like go 'what in the world is she up to??' And she went on and on and on..... 30 minutes.

Then suddenly, out of her bag, she whips out a camera and starts taking photos of herself! yes take photos of herself ala youtube style. I was stunned. And after a round of photos, like any selfconfessed camwhore, she wasnt satisfied with the photos and went into another round of touching up.... yar u get the picture... rinse and repeat the cycle.

And NO i didnt/ and did not want to get a look of the girl. Quite put off by it.

Is that what the ladies/girls normally do? If it is, I think i've been living in a cave for too long....

Finally...

It's been a while since I posted. Well it's not that I didnt want to, but I've been attempting to blog using IE over the past few days, and each attempt was in vain. Somehow the title of the post came out, but the content just vanished. At first, I thought it was a fault in a certain Bruneian's computer but it turned out not to be. I cant seem to use IE to blog. Firefox for me anyday.

It's a beautiful day outside. I like the laptop study area in zombie land. Especially the seats beside the window. You can just stare out into space and look at the sky, and the breeze which rustles the trees... etc etc. Yes I zone out every now and then, which was sadly mistaken at one point of time as oogling at a 'purple top short skirt' library goer. Man how did that ever come about??? hahaha

The island.

I think about that little hill which i have to climb everyday to go home.
The row of pubs which i have never entered before since staying there.

I think of N and TMH and wonder what kind of things they will go through. I wish I could offer some good advice.... I really wish i could....

Rumbly in the tummy

It's the 3rd day already, and the war in my stomach/intestines is still going on. It's the longest time I ever had gastro i reckon.

Kids, its not fun to be sick during the exam period. ha ha

ok apparently i've run out of medication for diarrhoea. bleargh. Anyone?

SICK...

Brrrrr

It seems to be very cold... and i cant stop shivering. Headaches and fatigue setting in....

Oh dear. Not now. really not now.....

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Brought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

Work out a smile, and go for a ride...

Fork out 100+ bucks to buy a book for 7 chapters?? sounds crazy? but i might be desperate enough to do it.

Hey now, you're a rockstar!

Returnees came and went (: Somehow I think I'm in no position to say anything to them at all, cause I have never returned before. I'm really glad P came up to share, the advice of someone who has went before is definitely invaluable. I guess the least I can do is really to pray, as well as keep in touch with people? Sending back definitely is much more than we think it is.

Testimonies.... haha here's one for the returnee that didnt go. He was my first cell group leader in OCF. Ok let's start with the cliche things (which I am really thankful for): Without him asking me to be cell prayer IC, my life wouldnt have changed into the way it is now. He always kept that listening ear out, he over-ate, when he said he didnt wanna go for OCF, he was honest with me and we went elsewhere on Friday night, he had his fair share of quarrels and problems but he always quietly serves. HE WAS REAL. Therefore I really thank God for that.

It's interesting to see everyone dressed up as rockstars. I say leave the fun to the young people. Let the old people like me just sit behind and laugh at the younglings.




On a totally different note, I sometimes really wonder am I giving my best when I serve. I look at Friday and Monday PMs and I start to think why is there such a big disparity (not only in numbers but in emphasis as well)? Is it my fault that I have somehow neglected Friday's PM? Should one be more important than another? That really shouldnt be, but somehow i get the feeling that people think it is. Maybe I have been too slipshort/haphazard about Fridays and too carelessly allowing the promotion of Mondays only. Fridays are becoming much harder to lead than Mondays. I started off with Fridays and sometimes my heart really weeps when I see Fridays now. I want people to come on their own will and I dont wanna force them. Have I lost focus? Is this the way it should be, I really dont know but nevertheless there must be something more than this... I really have to ask for and about both Mondays and Fridays properly.

It's scary sometimes to think that there's so much issues to settle and I have L coming in. It's like asking someone over but not cleaning up the house properly. Sometimes I look at L and just see this earnest look in L's eyes to learn. And I dont even know what to do/ where to start sometimes.




I like it when everyone is gone from north dining. After the process of packing up, rearranging the chairs and tables, I just like to stand around and just look at people slowly streaming out of the place. I would stick around to the end, and make sure that no one leaves anything behind as well as ensuring everything is put back into place. Once everyone leaves the place, and the doors are closed, the lights are switched off. North dining is plunged back into silence and darkness after a vibrant Friday night. In that darkness and silence, all I can say is:

Thank You.

Pop Quiz, hot shot!

Hmmm its Friday AGAIN! So the hands of time turn, and I'm done with second year of university. Truly, time and tide waits for no man.

Genetics or immunology. In some ways, I'm glad that I have less to choose from. It's still an interesting decision to make nonetheless. Full blown genetics major? Microbiology/immunology major with the option of choosing some genetics electives? or just a full blown micro and immuno major?? hmmm if i cant even decide that, how am i gonna decide my subjects? Need wisdom for this one. After all, it determines the rest of my life.... or sort of.

Update: I still havent got a flight back yet. GASP... haha not that i'm overly worried, but I'm still on the waiting list. I'm not worried about not getting back, but rather i'm worried of wasting that return ticket. On another side of the coin, I wont be home for CNY for the very first time. (Wait, there was this once i spent it in the doghouse, but that doesnt count). It's gonna be a new experience, to say the least. Not that I do alot during CNY (just sleep actually).... but at least its time with the dysfunc family hahaha.

I heard L the P's parents will be in town. haha Red packet hunting anyone???? When it comes to this, I'm pretty shameless. I dont know how chinese his parents are, but its still worth a shot. M for Mercenary? On CNY, YOU BET!



on other fronts, ROCKSTAR is tonight... hurhurhur... maybe i should bring a camera and see how everyone turns out. Rock/pop/nerd/emorock stars... it'll be quite funny. but despite all that, I hope it turns out more than a fun activity. There is definitely an overiding element that goes beyond just the activities. Unless the Lord builds the house, the workers build in vain. It's gonna be good.

hahaha little avril lavringes.... its still quite a funny image. ha ha ha

Greetings from zombieland(as some people call it). It's funny how this is the first time I ever brought my laptop to the library to do some work. Yes... I said DO WORK. Had to access the internet to do a mini search for journal articles. Didnt really turn out quite good. Well at least i know my laptop's wireless is working fine.

anyway, i'm just blogging for the sake of bloggin now. Dont wanna do it when I get home. So I can just get straight to bed.

LINBIN THE KING IS BESIDE ME AND SAYS HI TO ALL OF YOU PEOPLE!

Coffee, bacon and eggs.

So go unlock the door
And find what you are here for

Enjoying my time as a student, even though the exams are here. Yup I feel stressed with all that work, but I REFUSE to act like its the end of the world. Furthermore I'm overseas. I guess its just the way of life here that I have come to enjoy. The laid back, I'll do things at my own pace kinda life. Sitting outside a small cafe enjoying the morning breeze and just watching the world go by. Taking a slow walk in the cool night. The little alleys with all the interesting food places. The coffees, bacon and eggs (:

Double Meanings

Core group.

Now the word core group has a totally new meaning to me... Apparently, in the world of microbiology and sexually transmissible infections, the Core Group consists of people who are very sexually active and are infected with most if not everything nasty known to man. i.e Syphilis, Gonorrhoea, HIV, Hepatitis A, Chlamydia....

Makes me think twice about using the term core group so flippantly next time. hohoho. Well it's just me, and things like that just stick in my brain for a loooong time.

I'm blogging on MPKY's computer now. haha and she doesnt even know it. Lovely (:

31D.

If you're really curious, you can ask me what 31D means. But it just one of the other alphanumeric combinations I dont really like, along with 42, 490 as well as 11B...

Summer sunshine
It's hot today and it explains my beach/sleeping/hawkercentre attire in school... Spent the day slacking away (: It seems that this 'old' body can't take late nights anymore and I guess getting into the habit of sleeping and early is supposedly to be good.

Met up with L today. I guess its really a matter of the L-O-V-E word. NO not in that way, but to see L really as a person and to really give L the best opportunity to serve and to grow. The whole building into people's lives thing. To really love a person for who they are, not because of the help/benefit they can offer you. Haha I really hope all goes well.


I could have met you at a sandbox,
I could have passed you on the sidewalks,
Could I have missed my chance,
and watched you walk away?

If you never get around to asking someone out, you will never ever know whether that someone will go out with you, and for that matter of fact, whether you will enjoy the company of that person or not. Not taking this analogy literally, but isnt that the case sometimes? We talk about the could be's, the things that might happen, but if you dont step out of the boat, one can never walk on water.

"What am I? Chopped liver?" Where did the phrase even come from??? Just the random thought of the day.

So with today passing by, it strikes off an item from my to-do list. Now to get down to subject planning and finding out what I'm gonna do for 3rd year. Time flies ):

Art Attack

Does anyone remember a british children's show called art attack??? It was about this Brit guy who teaches kids how to do arts and craft and he himself would often make his 'large scale' art projects using very random/innovative materials.... yup just a totally random thought.

Still trying to figure out the whole 'justice' thing. It could be as important as things such as poverty, wars and famines etc etc, but it could be as simple as being compassionate for people around.

My heart is so small...

Clarity of Mind

Well I think I had more than my deserved share of 'airtime' this week (I realised I said much more than I would normally like, but I had to do it) and it's time to go back into hibernating mode. 2 more weeks till exams. The hibernation would do me good anyway ...

Oh yar that doesnt mean I'm cutting myself away from human contact... I may be dropping off stuff for people here and there.

Hmmmmm sometimes I think we are really looking for a change in culture/mindset rather than just resolving an issue physically. Physical things are easily solved, its harder when it comes to people I guess...

The clarity of mind.
Is it a matter of mind or emotions? Feeling or thinking? Its a combination of both...

Rebuking... Do we do it because we are angry? Is it a righteous anger? Can we do it better after we simmer down abit? Does even anger have a part in it?? I really dont know. Is there love in anger??

I am glad that my dysfunc family shares from the word. Cause I think the Word speaks 10,00000000000000000000000000000 times better than plain words ever could.

Friday Mornings

I like Friday mornings, especially when there's no CAL classes in the morning.Without CAL, school starts at 11, and compared with the 9 o' clock classes I have on other days, I definitely appreciate the late start to the day.

I know I might have written this plenty of times, but there's just something about mornings in Melbourne. The cold morning air, the partly dark and gloomy sky, the small tint of sunlight that has yet to come through. As if there's a sense of anticipation... The anticipation of a new day, new beginnings. True sometimes the day ahead may seem dreadful, but it is still a new day nevertheless. To wake up alive is something to be thankful about.

What kind of person am I? Yar if people could be classified via 'Love Languages', I would tend to be on the side nearing 'quality time'. Sometimes, at least to me, it doesnt really matter what I'm doing, the activity that's going on, the place that i'm in or the fuss that's around me. The person I'm with matters more than everything around me. Even if that person didnt even utter a single word, I would be happy just knowing that person is just spending time with me. Listening to that person go on and on would make me smile as well. Human beings, not doings...

Oh dear

I should really spend some time to talk to L properly...

See you when you get there

Maybe tonight is the last night I will ever be seeing him but I know that I'll see him when we're both before Father together.

I'll miss him
No doubt about it. I stand there and I realise that right before me, was a living example of this: when His name is lifted up, He will draw all men close to Him. The attraction of seng is not only because he's hilarious, or likeable, or easy-going and helpful. But rather the whole X-factor (if one can put it that way) is that he really has a pure love and faith in God. He's not attracting people to himself, God is drawing people close to him through seng.

A role model.

There's something about guys from that place. Seng, Terrence.... Even though I didnt know Terrence that well, seng maybe just a teeny bit better. There's only one word from me at the end of the day:

RESPECT

If I could, I would charge people if I could but somehow I think the word charge cannot be used that flippantly. I would urge and encourage people to continue to pray for seng or for that matter of fact any returnees even after they go back. Sending back doesnt stop at the airport. It continues even when people are already gone....

Actually, scrap that sending back jargon. Just pray for people because you love them.

See you Seng.

Stand

Though I will stumble, I will not fall. How amazing grace is...

Operation D. Previously, it was just a goal/achievement I wanted to make but right now, it's turning more and more into a step of faith I should take. It's scary the opposition/obstacles one can face just by setting his mind on something... I can only rely on Him, for in my weakness, His strength will be made perfect.

"Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before."

The other thing is this recurring theme that keeps coming towards me which I can not ignore. The interwining of the word of God with prayer. A prayerful man loves the word of God. The man who loves the word of God prays. The word of God illuminates prayer, prayer in faith claims the promises found in the word. There can not be one without the other.

"Open my eyes, that I may see wonderful things in your law"

STAND FIRM. To realise the extent of the meaning of STAND, for that matter STAND FIRM. 2 simple words and the rippling effect it has.

I'll stand, in awe of the one who gave it all.
My soul Lord to you surrendered.
All I am is yours.

2 Wrongs make it all alright?

It's that time of the year again? When the to-do list seems endless.

Exams
Accomodation
Summer plans
Job search
Subject planning

hmmm and I havent even added the C-word in yet.

I shall stop whining. I cant really lament or whine these days. Am I ok? yeah I am (: I only look up and continue on.

And He leads the blind...

Drawing a Blank

I struggle.... I really do.

Sometimes I just think its better for me to shut up. Some blessings are given easily, some blessings have to be wrestled for. Nevertheless, its never about me or my merits. He chooses to give.

When He witholds, when He's silent, when He TAKES AWAY, do i dare to still say I surrender/trust/obey Him? It's easy to be a Christian, easy to say the airy fairy words when things are going one's way.


What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ

Am I even close to that?

The quiet kid

He looks undernourished, with skinny legs and messed up hair. The archetype of the quiet, nerdy kid who never got picked at school for the rough-and-tumble playground games. He always looks slightly weird, as if he needs to get home fast for his Gameboy fix....

haha sounds familiar...

Rolling Star

First it was shooting comets, now it's rolling stars. I dont know but there's just something about celestial references that i seem to come across. shooting stars (:

'Baby it's you!!!!!' No I'm not trying to talk like SS, but its just a tune stuck in my head now. Japanese always come up with much more catchy tunes and lyrics...

Kansas City Shuffle

'Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest in Monte Carlo and came in third, that's a story.'

So my love affair with gratuitous killing with a splash of humor continues. What's better than someone killing a guy? A smart witty line before he does it.

'Someone's trying to kill you.'
"Who?"
'Me.'

2005 was Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. 2006 should go to Lucky Number Slevin I guess. A tad bit on the darker side, but loaded enough with witty lines and plot twists to keep my brain at it. Plus looking at Lucy Liu act as a pleasant girl next door is quite a refreshing change. Yes I'm always fond of the girl next door.

'How did you find out about us?'

9 November is the official opening date. Lucky Number Slevin anyone??

A Kansas City Shuffle is when everybody looks right, you go left.

Under the Sun

"So laugh, just laugh.
Please dont cry...."

The cool morning breeze feels nice. Maybe its just because the weekends are here. Well the sun isnt really out, but it's a nice day nevertheless.

Just wondering what some people said about paintball. 'You can REALLY feel the bullets flying past you!!!' What in the world is a bullet anyway? Like someone once told me... Its quite uncouth to say 'out of bullets'. Out of ammunition, out of pellets (in paintball) BULLETS? The word bullet really amuses me sometimes. I just think of trains...

Onto the discussion about egg chiffon. How does one cook egg chiffon? To have that fluffy egg, with that smooth consistency. Chinese people are really amazing... Well my theory or rather my brother's theory is that with a good wok and a good fire, anything is possible. Equipment plays an important part as ingredients. Wonder why your food at home never tastes as good as the ones in that dodgy chinese restaurant in chinatown? It's all about the equipment... and in some cases the dodginess (is there such a word?) haha

Arent we all our own greatest critique? Sometimes I really think that you're doing great! Take heart and be strong!

Hmm that's all the random rants for now. On to the pitch...

New Look, New Song

And so the newsong begins....

On the surface, things seem the same, but i'm glad the change is starting from within, and not from the outside.

See who I am

see me for who i am

Not myself

'When words go from poetry to prose...'

Hmmm its hard trying to sift out pleasant memories over that 2 years. Bittersweet yes. Purely happy ones? I dont think so. Trust me, I try not to think of it so much. Maybe I'm learning what it really means to be happy? sounds corny...

Give life to the full. What does that really mean? Does that include fun as well? Sometimes I look at the people around me, seeing the things that make them excited, and I smile inwardly knowing that they are excited, that they are enjoying their youth and life.

I dont know. I'm just silently thankful that i'm alive every morning.

When was the lasttime I laughed uncontrollably until my stomach hurt and my tears dropped?? I really cant remember...

Neon

I'm still a human being with feelings.

Love justice, show mercy and walk humbly

I read the news about the impending North Korea crisis.
I see a video of how and embryo develops into a baby.

Creation is beautiful. Yet the world today moans and groans at all that's happening to it.

To stand there and realise how vast the universe/creation is. That I am just mere dust passing through this earth. Yet, who am I that you are mindful of me?

Thank you

Big Question

Am I building up people?

Blessed

A blessed 4 hours it really was

It's a funny feeling to eat dinner at 130am.... It's been a challenging 2 days, and I expect more from the next 3.

When I found the joy of seeking your heart....

Things best left unsaid

'So much wasted in the afternoon....'

It is one thing to be not that involved in 'extra' cell group activites but its a whole different thing to disrupt them.

Sometimes its best to keep my mouth shut.

After revealing this saturday's testimonial for SS to a certain someone, he seemed so bent on playing, till the extent he did not want to go for paintball anymore. It doesnt really help that the CGL actually paid for the paintball trip already.

Frankly speaking, I would rather him go for paintball than play soccer. I just feel abit er weird now. If i went for paintball, would his response be different?

oh well... its really up to him.

I have decided to play, even way before any other thing was scheduled and I shall play that game. Come on, O-F young! Team SS!!haha

2 or 1?

Some of the funny questions raised during supper:

'So when you get married next time, will it be.....
2 bathroom sinks or 1?
2 blankets or 1?
2 Cars or 1
Joint account or separate account?'

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion definitely, and I am starting to think that I'm abit old fashioned and idealistic. Thankfully I like it that way.

My answer? haha definitely 1 sink. As for the cars, 2 is nice, I'll drive the BMW sports convertible, she can take the family sedan man... hahahaha

A BIG AND LONG blanket... that's for sure.

Hmmm separate or joint accounts? hmmm as long as there is transparency in money matters. No secret bank accounts and stuff. no no.... What mine is hers, and what hers is mine. except for the BMW.... hahahahaha kidding kidding

Once again, its all just my own stupid opinion with some very very untrue and seemingly aloof opinions. It's my blog after all... but i really do believe in the sanctity of marriage, even in this day and age.

Scum

"It looks a bit empty doesnt it?' She said
'No it doesn't. I'm pretty sure it isnt.'
"Look carefully, it is!"
'...... ............'
"Fill it up with this"

And he took it, and darkness filled it in that moment again.

Childhood memories??

Maybe its not that I have Short Term Memory (STM), but there's nothing worth remembering. Hence it just gets blotted off the database.

Growing up? What do I remember of it? I really wish I could have bittersweet memories of my siblings. All I remember is chasing a shadow. The good times were far and few... I seldom saw him, we seldom spent quality time together, maybe because he was much older. It definitely wasn't his fault, but it was as if I grew up alone in a shadow. To constantly hear the relatives and parents praise him, whilst I just quietly listen from the side and be envious, hoping one day that I could be just like him. To be a man amongst men, to try to emulate him, to be influenced by him. But as hard as I tried, I wasn't my brother.

Me? I was the poster boy once. Topped Sunday School class year in and year out, in both English and Chinese Sunday school. Everyone wanted a kid like me, the docile mild mannered boy who never talked back to his parents, who always listened, who never once complained when the parents said 'go home'. Deep down, I always wished I could stay longer to play with the rest of the kids...



Growing older, I remember when I stared at the authority and just walk away in defiance. It felt good. I remember when I stabbed people in the back. It felt good. I felt powerful. But duplicity kills, it really poisoned me... Why do I always remember such things? What happened to the good memories? What happened to the memories I can laugh at?

'Remember not the sins of my youth, and my rebelious ways;
according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord.'

Boy meets

Let it be a dream for now. Until the day comes, keep this dream in your heart....

Quote of the day

"You're waaaay too gentle..."

Am I? hehz

On another note, Friday night was different... but in a good way. A glimpse of what Acts 2:42 really means....

Reverse Cycle....

AGAIN... The funniest thing is that when people are on fire/excited about something, I'm just drowning in work.

But it definitely good, to see people up and about again. (:

SImple mindedness

Hmmmm its a rare opportunity that I ever blog about myself (i.e my character and personality). It just suddenly came across my mind.

I am freaking simple minded. Sad, but that's the truth. I dont read too much into things, i take things at face value, I dont overanalyze ever single detail etc etc... You decide the pros and cons. I dont really like psychoanalyzing myself. It's just weird...

Sometimes I don't like it when people think they know me very well. 'I'm sure you will feel XYZ as well... I'm sure you will .......' etc etc Those kind of statements. Again its the whole tag and label thing (T&L). haha. It really doesnt matter whether the statement was correct or not. I just feel quite irritated when people try to postulate how I will act/feel. Of course, this is only limited to people who are not that close to me.

On the other side of the coin, I absolutely feel irritated when people ask 'You think you know me?' as well. Yup, i'm definitely strange.

Anyway, faced with both questions, I just shut up and end the conversation. That's me for you.


It's been a while since anyone called me Jonathan. haha maybe i should just limit that name to closer people, since its becoming a rarity. My dad dislikes it when people call me Jonchee.... hahaha *warning*

Nerdy Ramblings

It's irritating to be unable to find a book in the library... and i need it for my presentation on monday. And so the looong week continues, even after one whole day of slacking yesterday.

Weird how the weather chooses to turn on me whenever i'm out in the open. For that 10 minutes of walking from school back home, it rained on me, and once I reached home, the rain stopped.

The little things in life. hehz

The Story of Jephthah

I was reading Hebrews 11 again and was looking through the 'faith roll'. David, Samuel, Gideon etc etc but when I stumbled across the name Jephthah, I started to wonder who this guy really was and what he did.

Read the story of Jephthah in Judges. Interesting story but what really struck me was the vow that he made to the Lord. He made a vow to the Lord: that in return for victory over his enemies, he would give the first thing that came out of his house (when he went home after battle) to the Lord as a sacrifice.

Lo and behold, the first thing/person that came out was Jephthah's ONLY daughter.

Somehow this story just rings in my mind. Frankly it's a hard one to swallow. There are many lessons in the story, but I won't go on to it.

It's just something in that story that I can identify with:
a) Keeping vows and being responsible for what I say.
b) The people I care for.

very very very sobering story...

Relentless

Like a roaring lion, he prowls, waiting for someone to devour....

It really is relentless. Day and night, every minute and every hour. A lifelong contest and warfare against an invisible foe.

It is no walk in the park, no bed of roses.

There can be no victory unless we fight. More than conquerors? Pray.

...

It's hard... to know that!@#3$!#!@$... but i really cannot complain. If that is the !@#!@$@$ of the !@#!@$!@$!@$.
It'll be nice just to #%@#$!@$# @!%@#$%$#^ #@$@#$@. at least once.


The existence of non existence.

My blasted heart. Rip that deceitful little thing away.

Busy busy... dead

Being busy and preoccupied with the wrong things is LETHAL. ok make that not prioritising properly = death

Small cracks in a dam should never be ignored. The cracks leak initially, with a few drops of water passing through it. You think it's ok but before you realise it, the crack widens and water starts gushing in like nobody's business. Before you know it, the water is up to your neck and you realise you're stuffed.

Crap. better cover up the cracks before things turn ugly

Thank God for grace.

Hokay...

Why does multiple choice questions make me feel extremely stupid? For every question I attempt, I have to sieve through my entire stack of notes just to find out that little detail. I loathe details... especially the little ones. The little shades of truth and lies that they put in the choices, and they expect me to differentiate between 5 seemingly similar statements. Heck at the end of this I would make a better detective than a scientist.

Like how do people know that I've _________. I NEVER told anyone about my _______ and somehow people can just make passing comments in front of me about it. I never figured out how they knew. yar i just keep quiet and just let them go on and on.

Tag me, label me, stereotype me. Am I just ________ to people??

Shifting Sands?

Wordpress' layout does seem to be nicer... and the new place is gonna be for something different. Watch for it. unscrambled thoughts :)

Dropping HINTs...

8th IBS
16th Microbes
22nd Patho

Man its gonna be a long long month again. Hopefully I dont turn out cranky like last semester, as some of you people unfortunately found out. I wanna apologize in advance first if I say stupid things, especially the people i normally whine to. Trust me, I'm trying not to :) I tend to be less in a bad mood if people give me food as well. Especially homecooked food. kidding kidding.

i'm so subtle.

Be not afraid to pray; to pray is right;
Pray if thou canst with hope, but ever pray,
Though hope be weak or sick with long delay;
Pray in darkness if there be no light;
And if for any wish thou dare not pray
Then pray for God to cast that wish away

And how did you know?

Firstly, despite how talented one is, reading off a script doesnt really cut as comedy. It's just er.... fake.

And I wonder how do people know when I have never ever said a thing. That's the way it is, i guess. How word spreads, I dont know (and probably wont ever know), but it definitely does spread. Oh well, anyway people will find out tonight. What happened to surprise? hahaha

Do you realise?

It's been a sobering past few nights. To know that there's much much much more that can be improved in my life.

One aspect that I have been guilty of perhaps is that I have not been fervent enough in pushing for the persistence in prayer of the people around me.

A kingdom of priests, and a Holy nation. Where does prayer fit in all of it? Prayer and a holiness go hand in hand. There CANNOT be one without the other. True prayer stirs the hearts of men and plants in us the desire to be holy. God desires us to be holy, and I believe that it is that outflow of Christ's love and holiness in our lives that will touch the people around us.

The power in a prayer of faith. It is the greatest weapon the saints have, and yet often we dont realise the power of it. I confess that I am guilty of that. God delights in hearing our prayers, and I reckon we havent really grasped the extent at which He will go to to answer our prayers. If only we asked!

The bible calls us to 'Ask of Him.' Jesus was not spared that call either (Ps 2) Even as the son of God, he prayed and he asked.

Sometimes we think that prayer and works are totally unrelated. Something I learnt is that prayer is the greatest work! Prayer is no easy task. It requires energy and perseverence. Laziness, haphazardness, unwillingness has nothing to do with it. The aim of all our prayers is to reach the ear of God. And only if we put our heart, mind and soul into it, the HS will help us pray. It is a struggle! Jacob wrestled a WHOLE night for a blessing, and it was worth it. To dwell in the presence of God, it is definitely worth it.







Lastly, prayerful leaders brings forth prayerful followers. I really think there is an additional msg to the C wrt to prayer. The exact details of it, I'm not sure yet. It'll all be clear soon.

Neither

Neither here nor there.

'Stuck in a moment that I cant get out of' sorta feeling. Maybe its just the schoolwork that's always at the back of my head as well.

It's quite a familiar feeling these days. That same old wandering feeling. Am I a Cain, or am I an Abel? Is this life offering the best?? Is it pleasing to Him??

hmmmm

The last few posts didnt really come out.
This post is just to make sure the blog's still working

Bleached Dreams

I must have been more tired than i realised. Is the amount of sleep one person needs proportion to his/her body size? (why isit 'his' always come first??) Yup and I pretty much realised why 8 STRAIGHT hours of sleep is recommended.

Problem is: It's now 4am in the morning.

Had Fungnien's birthday thing just now in the afternoon. It was like animal fest with all that dogs and a single cat. Man... but I was totally out of it. Tired physically maybe mentality as well. The brain totally shut off the body, where I just felt not like moving an extra inch to help people. I felt really really bad. But nevertheless it was good to see everyone again.

Went pass the coastline today. I dont know why, but there's just this intense sense of melancholia when I stare into the sea (hmmm maybe its just the melbourne waters). I could sit and stare at the sea for hours and hours. Now I really want to go down to St Kilda/ Port Melbourne one of these holiday mornings for breakfast.

When I got home, I just plonked onto bed. What time was it? No idea. Maybe around 7ish?? And I just didnt really want to care about anything else, even my books. I tried to study this morning, note the keyword tried. It was totally unproductive! I'm definitely not a muggin machine and i dont know how people can do it.

Had a pleasantly funny dream involving fictional characters from some feudal Japan anime, complete with their flowing robes, the swords, captains and what not. Add a dash of reality with the people i know, and it became really weird/funny. hahaha I was a taichou!

Blessings

I was chatting with my father on msn yesterday (and he still calls msn ICQ).

It's my parents 29th Anniversary today! For the first time in many years, I really felt absolutely happy for them. To really have my eyes be opened and see how God has blessed my family through thick and thin. 29 years of wonderful marriage. Maybe not everyday was bliss, I've seen them quarrel every now and then, but its just wonderful to know that NOT all marriages end up badly in divorce. With all the depressing statistics in the world now, its just good to know that it can be done. It being having a God centred marriage, and it is definitely good to have God in the centre of a relationship.

Congratulations!

Hmmm and i'm quite surprised to hear that my father intepreted for my home church anniversary recently. I remember the days when my father used to serve more actively in church, when he would force us all to wake up earlier to go to church. The days when he put 2 to 3 months worth of preparation into leading a SINGLE session of bible study. Despite all the rants and complaints he often airs in the car on the way back home from church, he still loves GBC.... hahaha

oooh and my family's getting a new car!!! Nissan Slyphy.As usual its a nice little family car.... My dad would always rant on and on about buying a BMW/LEXUS/AUDI/MERCEDES but my mom would just object violently to that hence my dad would give in and we always end up with a nice 'family sedan'. haha not that i'm complaining tho. Now i wish i had a car here in melbourne.... hehz


Yar and i guess my questions have been semisortof answered. The best example of a leader: a sheperd.

A sheperd, who is humble and lowly in terms of human achievements. Yet he leads IN FRONT of his sheep, he goes ahead before the sheep, and he is with the sheep throughout the whole journey. He cares for his sheep more dearly than his own life. He protects them, he loves them, he serves them.

'It was a simple message.'

I like simple messages.

Keeping Up

'Something's missing.....
no I don't know what it is... at all'
Spurs lost again. Its starting to seem all so familiar again. Carrick's passing is sorely missed. Absolutely no creativity at all.

Spent the beautiful morning at the inaugural T Cup. Despite the seemingly unsurmountable odds, we survived on 3 players and escaped the bottom spot! In fact, we held the favourites at bay. Excellent team effort i would say, which resulted in 1 win, 2 draws and 1 lost. Day of the underdog!! It's about enjoying the game and playing beautiful man. yar and I scored (: twice (:

'The things we think might be the same....'
Soccer... Looks like its something that I might have to say farewell to. If C meetings are regularly on saturday mornings. He gives and takes away. There is a time and place for everything :) There are much more valid reasons to push meetings to the morning, as compared to pushing c meetings to another time. hehz well the young vs old match will be my farewell as well... wrt to soccer on saturday mornings. Do I love soccer? yeah maybe i do, more than i realise it in fact.

'She thanks Jesus for the daises and the roses, in no simple language'
It's just pleasantly nice how a simple gesture can cheer up my day (:

'Simple and Clean... '
There's alot on my mind now, but not in a bad, negative way.

Looking at the people interested in PM next year, its gonna be different. It's been a privillege to serve with JM, where we could both share more heart to heart stuff. Next year is gonna be a more working relationship thing, and I dont even know where to start. Spiritual leader? L once called me a 'general/commander' of the 'priests' or 'intercessors'. Am I? Trust me, I'm much as in the dark as most of other people out there. On one hand, there is a need to serve others and lead in humility and example. On the other hand, there is a need to step up to the plate, to stand up for the vision and beliefs, more importantly to stand up for God.

It's all about faith. A stab in the dark. To follow until I cant see His footsteps or the path ahead anymore, when all I can follow is His voice.

And i shall find rest in his presence.

Sudden discoveries

I just realised in 6 days time, I will be alone in PM. I would have become the PS + PC rolled into one until the start of 2007, when the new PC steps up.

Be my strength.

Like pollen & spores

My thoughts are scattered all over the place. Pardon the incoherence, but I think I am really tired, even though I am trying to convince myself that i'm not.

'Your eyebags are really bad...' And opinions from wise friends are definitely worth listening to. From here on anything on this post will be totally random... There will be no continuity in whatever i write.

I'm scared, I weigh 3 times my body.
Right now, I dont even feel like playing tomorrow. Not in the mood? Maybe i'm just tired. But the notion of not having a proper team tomorrow isnt very reassuring and i just feel put off.

I wished either that X or Y was there just now. They would have handled it 10x better than I did. I really tried to help, but apparently i didnt help much. But now I just hope that I didnt really stumble/discourage anyone.

Listening to Z talk about certain problems is just er.... sad in some way. It's one of the last thing i would wanna hear as a C member. What really can I do now to help? Sometimes I wish i really did have the power to make an immediate difference, like a superhero out of a comic. All I can do is just pray that tough times will develop better character.

'I'm just shy that way'
It's funny that how circumstances just turn out to be. I really want God's blessing on this.

'crashed into a rack full of magazines.....'

He Delivers

Sometimes I really ponder about this: If I dream of myself sinning, is that a sin?? Is there some form of control over the subconcious? But even so, He delivers, even when I have no control over the circumstances.

'I called you answered, and you came to my rescue...'

If people can't see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves;
But when they attend to what he reveals, they are most blessed. Pr 29:18

And so He left behind a blessing.

Heb 4:4 For somewhere he has spoken about the seventh day in these words: "And on the seventh day God rested from all his work."

The missing ingredient

We are a happy family, albeit a weird one... hahaha
It scares me to think that along the way, there will be MAJOR disagreements and people being unhappy with each other. But what makes a family? Love; sticking with and for each other even though things go really wrong.

I dont know... but I just thank God for putting everyone in their place. When I look around the apartment and just see everyone, even when the 2 chaps are playing winning eleven, I'm just inwardly smiling.

Everyone has their own special role to play and is each one is GIFTED at it, but even so, all of it so interwined that we dont even know it. I think we will really know what it means when it says 'when one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honoured, every part rejoices with it.' Another take on unity I guess.

Randomness... but swiss food is yum, even though its eaten in a hurry. What's swiss? Rosti, cowbells, fondue, swiss army knives, swiss bank, beer that tastes like water... hahaha

and I can't play guitar game for nuts! I've got a lazy last finger, that refuses to move. or rather i just have bad hand eye coordination.... ha

I'm still waiting for it... the missing ingredient. The step of faith doesnt end at the decision. It begins... and the steps are gonna be bigger and larger, and the road ahead will be even darker and darker until I cant even see where i'm going... and all I have left is to listen and follow, to let Him lead me, to hold on to Him. I cant lead PM myself, the magnitude of it is really too BIG for me to handle alone. But my God is BIG, and there is nothing He cannot do.

Am I making a difference in the people around me?
Or am I just a self centred little selfish kid?

I really dont know. Once again what does it mean to love justice??

Outlet

Another one of those nights where I dont feel like doing anything at all.

Admit that I had a bad game at the pitch. Didnt know why it affected me so bad. Normally I just take it easy, enjoy the game, play simple and beautiful.

Hey I'm human too. I get pissed off with stuff as well... especially myself. And contrary to popular belief, if people irritate me, I just ignore them. I try not to get angry with people, it's not worth my health. If you guys didnt know that, you dont know me well enough.

If I do get infuriated with anything/anyone, it would be myself. I should really stop taking myself so seriously. gah. Yar and if I do reprimand a person, I seriously care for that person. Although I try to be as tactful and grace/love-filled as possible.

Yar, randomness.


Got the first official 'summon'. hehz and i got the privillege of seeing people include the advisors in our conversations. Ice cream anyone? haha

the top 10 mean things to do:

10) Redirect all calls to Dominos Pizza
9) Redirect all calls to someone else
8) Get that someone else to redirect the calls to even someone else
7) Of course the whole point of redirecting is to not pick up the phone calls in the first place
6) sleep at meetings
5) Claim that I'm concentrating very hard when people catch me sleeping
4) appear at potbless meetings and just leave when dinner is over
3) appear with nothing for the above mentioned potblesses
2) play soccer on saturday mornings
1) Blame TMH for dragging me to soccer on saturday mornings when there's meetings

OK OK BEFORE YOU PEOPLE START SHAKING HEADS AND INTEND TO GIVE ME A 2HR LECTURE, let me declare that i'm just JOKING. I'll be a good boy this year. sheeshz

Luckily no one in the new C visits my blog... or so i think... so what are we gonna discuss tmr? haha should I do back up singing... apparently my KTV exploits are being exposed... hmmmm

One Step Back, Two Steps Forward

Due to the complaints that the jet black blackground with small font made reading difficult, I've changed it back to the old template. Couldnt be bothered to get a new one. The Tagboard is hence back again.

Yup 9 more days and its time to 'go public'. ha ha ha.

Relationship check? Still walking daily in faith I guess. The whole faith and standing firm thing over the past month's IP still definitely apply, despite the seemingingly 'change of season'. To say that I don't struggle would be a big fat lie. It's a daily self concious decision to not live for myself, to not listen to the sinful nature. Doesnt mean that if i'm a CM, that means I am already there. No one is perfect, as much i would like to be. Everyone's learning.

Few weeks back I mentioned I didnt really like the tag of 'P.S' put onto me. Which causes people to make preconceived notions. BUT on the other hand, if this is what He wants for me, then so be it. The P.S i shall be, and only by His grace and His grace alone, that all will work out.

I should really start to take ownership. Less of me, more of Him. I'm still waiting for something. A vision? a direction? maybe just a word. Be strong and take heart. Wait upon the Lord.

It's true that PM is the engine room for the whole of OCF. But maybe I should start by taking that notion out, which is quite a trap for being proud. Sure its important, but what's more important is that I realise that PM (ok not only PM but all other ministries) serves EVERYONE else. And we serve with humility and love.

For me? to seek, obey, serve and lastly lead. I guess that's my challenge.