Sometimes....

Watch your doctrine and your life closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both YOURSELF and your HEARERS....





'Sometimes, even spiderman needs to be saved...'




Till further notice.....

Anticipation

Scrap the soccer plans today. And to think that I was looking forward to it...

What's new, what's new?

Always anticipating for the day to come, but when it comes, it's just like any other normal day... Or its just falls flat.

Awesome

To be put slightly out of depth and to really be reminded...

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed.

We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.

It's about time I step up and pick up my game. His righteousness goes before me, His glory my rear guard. Time to shine that armour.

On another note. I like sweet potatoes (: hahaha

Phenomenal

There is some truth in that joker's statements.

It's quite interesting to read some of the stuff I posted back a year ago. Anyway, spent a portion of my afternoon yesterday talking to tmh. There's always shreds of truth in jokes... Despite of him semi-joking about being depressed about NS, i know its true.

'Been there, done that'

For once, I can really say, 'I know how you feel'. It's a different aspect to returning.... NS' totally different from getting a job and working. No offence to anyone, but not alot of people can really/or will ever understand/emphatise with them. I can even write as much as I want here, but if one hasnt gone through it before, it's just hard to picture it.

To have your life literally given away for 2 years. To have 2 years ripped away from you. Most of the time, while the people you know are out there are having fun and moving on with life, you are in there watching them past. In addition to that, it is a trying time... Man I really hope that they get day jobs there and get to go home everyday.

Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from the evil one...

Does N and MH have support? I really pray that God will use me somehow.

Overwhelming

What's overwhelming? Coming back home and receiving 15 emails from the cell group about sabo-ing the cell group leaders.... what the? hahaha poor them.

Another thing overwhelming? That I will be doubly judged and held accountable because I am a leader. To whom more is given, more is expected.... Top line blessing, bottom line responsibility.

Well its a long term thing. 4 life. In it for the long haul. eternal persepective. This life and beyond. After all, it is a marriage for eternity.

One more thing overwhelming? To have a 1 on 1 encounter with Him in the secret place. I am really blessed and thankful.

Timestop

Ironcially, the clock in zombieland has stopped. Time seems to be passing by really slowly today... It's the 'I want to get it over and done with' feeling. Like a kid who cant play outside with his peers because he's stuck at home doing work. haha...

In short, I'm bored.

It sure feels weird to be alone in an empty zombieland. Sighness man. Plastered to my seat because I cant go anywhere. Too lazy to pack my laptop into the bag and go for a walk lugging it around...

What have I been up to in zombieland? Besides doing pathology questions, just youtubing a variety of sports/music vids. Man...

Hmmm what am I going to do when the exams end? I really don't know. hahaha same old answer to a same old question.

grrrrrrr.... i feel bottled up now.

hehz. tmh just suggested playing soccer just now. Frankly speaking, if not for the 36 degree celsius outside, I would have just given in and gone for it....

Invulnerable.

I am not invulnerable.

The opposition again? maybe it is.

Sometimes its better to shuddup, stick it in, and walk on. That oh so familiar feeling is back. The world does not revolve around me.

A fool give rises to anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control
Do u see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

Now is a good time to practice self control and to raise that shield as high as I can.

Finally...

The last week of exams. In some ways, I'm glad to see people happy now that exams are over. The slight traces of smiles on people whose exams are finishing as well (:

yeeps i need to learn to be more sensitive to the people around me...

I still have exams

Why does the library not have extended hours anymore? It is still the last week of the exams after all. Haha well I guess most of the people are done with it anyway and I'm still dealing with it. The irony of this whole exam period is that, the subjects i thought to be the hardest werent that awful, but viceversa, patho which is supposedly/rumouredly easy.... well lets just say i'm really having a 'ball' of a time with it right now! Anyways His grace is sufficient and will see me through, yeah no point whining.

'Whining is for losers, winners go home with the prom queen.' Sean Connery said in 'THE ROCK' movie in his stupid scottish Accent. Just kidding....

man... it'll be me all alone in the library on monday and tuesdays ): at least there wont be problems with being to be unable to find studying space. Feeding plan would be a bother as well. gah!

It's funny how short sighted people can get. I remember last time (ohdear... there he goes again) how angry people would get when they see others sleeping while they were working. Truth to be told, if someone has done his work, tried his best, paid his dues, then let that man rest. 'Jobscope, kbk' were all terms used back then. As much as i would like to deny it, I am guilty of playing politics last time as well. ok enough of this recollection/ramblings.

I need to exercise. It's saturday morning and the weather is beautiful! I should be out there running in the sun! Man i just feel like running to the hockey pitch right after my paper, play a gd hour or so of soccer, then shower and smell nice, and head over the C meetings and have wonderful food cooked by other people. woohooo! and i'm excused from cooking as well.

haha k pardon my momentary selfishness. back to essays!

Frail

Convinced of my deception
Ive always been a fool
I fear this love reaction
Just like you said I would

A rose could never lie
About the love it brings
And I could never promise
To be any of those things

If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be...
I would be...
I would be...

Blessed are the shallow
Depth theyll never find
Seemed to be some comfort
In rooms I try to hide

Exposed beyond the shadows
You take the cup from me
Your dirt removes my blindness
Your pain becomes my peace

...frail

4 Life

Ps Chris is cool. I think its really blessed to be really affirmed most of the time by people of spiritual authority. Man I really wanted to talk to him, but there were so MANY people and I had to clean up the NDH.

Returning NDH to the state it was before we borrowed it. R always says, 'we never seem to get the arranging of tables right'. Its hard work to put back 20 tables into a room filled with people and chairs. Trust me, even after doing it so many times, it never ever looks right. hahaha

So many things going through my head now. It's all in a whirl, together with the facts of exploding blood vessels and chicken parma-ish lungs.

For myself, Ez 33:6 and the whole thing about 'words not falling to the ground'. The words that come out of my mouth as well, isit like Samuels, which God never let it fall to the ground even once?

Faith beyond plain emotions. which blossoms to trust.

Perseverence and Obedience.

He already said so, and it will be done. But are we submitting to His will? Is the ministry/ourlives 100% all out for Him? Are we allowing His will to be done? In other words are we trusting Him completely?

Man, I'm gonna feel weird on Monday nights without IPs. Anyone still wanna meet up? I dont mind organising it.

exciting exciting...

Hymn

Oh refuge of my hardened heart
Oh fast pursuing lover come
As angels dance 'round Your throne
My life by captured fare You own

Not silhouette of trodden faith
Nor death shall not my steps be guide
I'll pirouette upon mine grave
For in Your path I'll run and hide

Oh gaze of love so melt my pride
That I may in Your house but kneel
And in my brokenness to cry
Spring worship unto Thee

When beauty breaks the spell of pain
The bludgeoned heart shall burst in vain
But not when love be pointed king
And truth shall Thee forever reign

Sweet Jesus carry me away
From cold of night, and dust of day
In ragged hour or salt worn eye
Be my desire, my well sprung lye

If you get upset or stressed with me,
dont be, coz God aint done with me yet

Morning rants

Some fine weather today. Glad to be able to see it (:

Hmmm where do I even start?

3Ps to pray for (wrt Ministry):

Perseverence
Provision
Perspective

1st P, Perseverence.

I think that it'll be a very sad thing to find out that we havent moved on when we come back from the break. Like an old chinese analogy. If we are rowing upstream, there's no such thing as being stagnant/remaining at the same spot. Its either we are rowing and making progress, or we are sliding backwards. The break is just preparation for the road ahead. I really hope everyone remains obedient during the break, despite the circumstances, despite the refining process, despite their feelings. Be it Leaders or not (moreso for leaders). Out of love comes obedience...

2nd P, Provision

Haha this one we know best and alot of people think its the nicest P. Yup indeed our cup overflows. Its not just a material thing, but to know that He provides the refining process for us as well and that in all things He works for the good of those who love Him.

Last P, Perspective

The hardest one to write about. I dont really know, but for PM and myself, I guess the thing now is to have the eyes that look at the eternal perspective, not just the year ahead. To do things that have eternal value. To equip people for LIFE and beyond. To really provide an environment for people to learn how to pray. To encourage people to discover that intimacy/relationship with God. Useful lessons that will go beyond the university. Building into the Kingdom of God rather than Operation candyfloss. Obey and submit and follow....

Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done.

A picture says a thousand words

I am starting to think that I'm not a picture person, especially when it comes to studying. Pictures of exploding blood vessels look all the SAME to me. I cant really tell a slight difference, except that one looks nastier than the other? I'm not even a full out medicine student man, and I use wikipedia to find out the meaning of terms. How sad is that man.

Give me lists/diagrams anyday. please no more stupid pictures.

Another Day

Woke up with a yawn and I'm still alive
Tuned in my radio to start a new day... :)

The New French

It's no longer neuro anymore. Factors VIII, IX, Van Willdebrand Factor, thrombopoietin, TPO, TPML, HPA. Who knew bleeding could be such a pain. Not literally. Learning about blood. Haematology. Not interesting at all.

How much am I supposed to know? hmmmmmz

The Wonders of Modern Technology

The amazing thing about technology is that one can choose to send a msn message to another person who is less than a metre away. Instead of using plain ol' conversation. oh the sadness. how lazy has technology made us. haha

Break It Down

Beautiful day out there.

There's just this foreboding sense of danger/harm?? I don't know... It lingers at the back of my head, like a storm cloud gathering.

Back to the island. Funny why I should be so apprehensive about it. Am I scared? Maybe I really am. More than I would like it to be. Opening up a closet of bones. They say there's no such thing being stagnant, its either moving forward or backsliding.

The end of the year/end of exams doesnt signify anything at all. The End is just the Beginning. Am I ready??? I hope so...

Patho seems like another memory subject. My my... Oh well. What happened to good ol' 'understanding the concepts'??

.... A call to persevere.

I'm starting to feel it. The tiredness is setting in. The mind is willing but the flesh is weak. His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

But praise Him for the miracles. He listens, He answers, and sometimes He answers swiftly. Praise Him.

To be relentless... Like Joshua who took down city after city after city.
To wrestle till daybreak like Jacob and NOT let go
To persevere....

Stuck in my Head

There is a song I heard over the radio at Subway (of all places) that is stuck in my head. I dont know who sang it, I dont know the title, and I cant even remember much of the lyrics anymore. Man bummer to have this feeling man

1 more to go.

It's scary how me and LtheP were talking about refining, and things are already happening with other C members. Stand firm. It's gonna be a while tonight.....

Ok ok. Next time I wont say study hard or study smart. Er.... study sensibly? hahaha unless someone doesnt have common sense as well. oooops just kidding. I still want my latin lessons. Things will be over and done with soon and you can rub it into the people who are finishing later than you. hahahaha (:

Hmmm onto other interesting things. IP only had 3 people today, but it was kinda expected. 1,2 or 100, IP still goes on. It was really encouraging tho, to see L coming for IP and to see her earnestly pray and seek.

What does the watchman do? Ez 33. A sobering message indeed. If something or a warning needs to be said and he dont say it, blood is on his hands, and he has disobeyed. Yeah.

Swiftly it shall come. Be ready for it.

Up not Down

If you look down, you'll just realise how far you are away from the ground.

Thank God. For He is your portion.

Swift and Decisive!

Or maybe not.

I dont like the feeling of starting from scratch. From tomorrow until the following Wednesday, its patho from the beginning of week 1 material.

Once more, from the top....

Land of the Zombies

Oh dear... the person right beside me now is uberstressed.
She hasnt stopped since 11am. Not even for a drink/toilet break. I hope she's ok...
(:

Blessed Are Those who Mourn...

For they will be comforted...

I'm affected. I dont know why, but the sight of people despairing over the exams just make me sad as well.

I know nothing I say will change how they feel. I'm not in their circumstance, and I wouldnt ever know how they really feel. Everyone's stressed. Me included. But I know one thing:

My God is bigger than the exams. He is much much much bigger than it. He loves odds.

I can only pray now.

Gifts and Curses

From the Spiderman2 OST.

Mary's alive in the bright New York sky,
the city lights shine for her, above them I cry for her.
Everything's small on the ground below, down below.
What if I fall, then where would I go, would she know?


She is the one, all that I wanted,
she is the one, and I will be haunted,
she is the one, this gift is my curse for now.

Poor ol' pete, always pining for MJ... haha

Just liked the bridge of the song with the violins, pianos and then the full rock band coming in ala 'My immortal' style (:

Words

The power of words, that it can tear down as well as build up. Especially when one is young and impressionable.

It doesnt feel good to be called useless when you're young.
It doesnt feel good to be called a letdown when you're young.
It doesnt feel good to be told that you wont live long when you're young.
It doesnt feel good to be given up on.
It doesnt feel good when people dont believe in you anymore.


It's all a distant memory now and the statements definitely hold no weight at all... but sometimes words just have that lasting impression on one's heart.

It is my prayer that I never ever hurt anyone to that extent. Although its hard to say or predict now, I hope I never ever scold my own kid stupid or just shatter his confidence with words said out of anger.

It really sucks and it hurts. It really does.

Stick and stones might break my bones.... but words?

More things

To be thankful for!

Thanks for the people who sent messages to me to encourage me. Will get down to thanking people individually soon, after the paper/s.

1001 Things

To be thankful for.

Sometimes I really think that wrong attitude really grieves the Spirit. It's about heart and attitude for alot of things.

Not excellence in work, but rather an excellence in spirit and attitude.
I firmly believe that He is gonna bless ACCORDINGLY, regardless of whether we ask or not. But it says Seek first His kingdom and righteousness, all these will be ADDED unto you.

A T T I T U D E (or the heart)

We can NEVER change God's will, but by prayer, we can move Him to change the way His will comes to pass. e.g Hezekiah, Elijah, Jacob. If we ask in His will, and have remained in Him, I believe ask ANYTHING and it will come to pass. That's where faith comes in. BUT It is always by HIS grace that He answers. He CHOOSES to listen. He doesnt have to, He DOES listen and He DOES answer. That's what so amazing about it.

And so if we are so sure that God has promised, that it will be the year of the Lord's favour for us, I reckon the ball is really in our court. How MUCH do we desire to see something happening in 2007? To really let Him make it the His year. Are we gonna fall back into that cycle again?? Maybe I'm wrong, or I'm just a plain lunatic for saying this: The attitude of our hearts, the urgency of our prayers, the desperation we have for His work to be done, our faith and actions WILL make a difference to what we are going to see happen in 2007

You do not have, because you do not ask God.
Most appropriately the title of this paragraph is submission.




It's not that _______ is a bad thing, but I guess circumstances really do change. People see, and most of the time, they misintepret and they think its acceptable, but somehow things just go way outta hand. It's about people on top setting the culture?

Wait then? I dunno, its probably hardest for me. I guess that P_ _ will just have to wait...

What of this Life?

Perhaps now is not a good time to be asking mind boggling questions. So what of this life??

Maybe its just the thought of going back to the island for a while just sets me thinking. I don't know... but F-U-N seems to be a very foreign concept to me these days. Is that all to it this summer again? Sleep in? Eat? have fun??? What are the things that are of value?? I'm a sad bunny you say? haha yeah maybe....

Things I should do... some of it maybe long overdue, but I guess it is a good time to do it this summer at the island.

- Visit my grandfather's grave and pay my respects. Change the flowers and put new ones in. I know the spirit has already ascended, and some people dont see the point in doing it. But I'm chinese, and my roots run deeper than some of you can ever imagine...

- Visit my grandmother on my own. I dont really know what to say to her when I see her, the words wont come and it'll probably be awkward silence... but its really the action that matters I guess.

- Spend more time with mom and dad. That's a given

- Spend more time with the church youths and young adults. Perhaps this is the long overdue one because of my 2 years 'semi-absence', where I vanished off the face of the earth and No I'm not there to make up for it. All things work out for His Good. I probably dont know half of the youths now, neither would they know me. It's always good to catch up with my peers tho.

Yeah I know, its a family affair.

On a totally different note, a new life beckons. For the parents as well. They say life changes when the kid comes. A whole new journey definitely.


'This one's for you....' R sends out funny emails; in a nice way tho.

Fairytale? hmmmmmmmm doing something for that special someone, putting 100% for that someone, being there for that someone. Isnt it supposed to be nice/pleasant? haha of course it cant be done in a sleazy way or with ulterior motives and the above statement shouldnt be made ala onetreehill/OC style. Definitely real giving doesnt ask anything in return, but its nice to feel appreciated once in a while (:

Vanity Fare...

Today in zombieland, I witnessed camwhoring at its best

Where do I start?..... Hmmm I was at one of the carels when a couple came in and the female side of the partnership sat at the carel beside me. Things were relatively ok for the first twenty minutes until i took a break and realised that she wasnt studying and was reading a chinese gossip magazine.

The boyfriend was doing work, but she wasn't. No exams, not studying? I have no slightest idea. But that's not the point. Suddenly out of her bag she whips out make up... and not just like a barrel lipstick, but like LOTS of stuff. Being a guy, I have no idea what they were, and I wasnt really interested anyway... And right in the middle of the library, she decides to touch up on her make up right there. At first I was still pretty cool with that. Until I realised she was on it for more than 10 minutes, I was starting to like go 'what in the world is she up to??' And she went on and on and on..... 30 minutes.

Then suddenly, out of her bag, she whips out a camera and starts taking photos of herself! yes take photos of herself ala youtube style. I was stunned. And after a round of photos, like any selfconfessed camwhore, she wasnt satisfied with the photos and went into another round of touching up.... yar u get the picture... rinse and repeat the cycle.

And NO i didnt/ and did not want to get a look of the girl. Quite put off by it.

Is that what the ladies/girls normally do? If it is, I think i've been living in a cave for too long....

Finally...

It's been a while since I posted. Well it's not that I didnt want to, but I've been attempting to blog using IE over the past few days, and each attempt was in vain. Somehow the title of the post came out, but the content just vanished. At first, I thought it was a fault in a certain Bruneian's computer but it turned out not to be. I cant seem to use IE to blog. Firefox for me anyday.

It's a beautiful day outside. I like the laptop study area in zombie land. Especially the seats beside the window. You can just stare out into space and look at the sky, and the breeze which rustles the trees... etc etc. Yes I zone out every now and then, which was sadly mistaken at one point of time as oogling at a 'purple top short skirt' library goer. Man how did that ever come about??? hahaha

The island.

I think about that little hill which i have to climb everyday to go home.
The row of pubs which i have never entered before since staying there.

I think of N and TMH and wonder what kind of things they will go through. I wish I could offer some good advice.... I really wish i could....

Rumbly in the tummy

It's the 3rd day already, and the war in my stomach/intestines is still going on. It's the longest time I ever had gastro i reckon.

Kids, its not fun to be sick during the exam period. ha ha

ok apparently i've run out of medication for diarrhoea. bleargh. Anyone?

SICK...