'We're being watched.'

'Who's watching?'

'I don't know, better to be safe than sorry....'

The Bigger Picture

Just a random thought: He wants to see BOTH his Sons and Daughters thrive...

Joshua-esqued

D always say how we always forget about the 2nd part... Here's an example:

'Only be strong and very courageous,......'
Yes most people know this one, but check out the 2nd part:

.....that you may observe to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may prosper wherever you go. This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.

Yup faith and obedience.

Joshua is turning out to be very very very insightful.

He's Back!

For all the guys reading my blog (if there are even any....):

As you know my team, the lilywhites, the pride of Northern London, Tottenham Hotspurs has been going through a little slump recently. But if there's little things to be happy about (wrt to soccer and the EPL of course), this is one of them.

Passion.
Intensity.

The Pharoah is Back at White Hart Lane.




GASP and I just realised... my favourite pair of spectacles has fallen apart (ok i only have 1)!!! It was hanging on the wall nicely for a while and yesterday I realised it just dropped off the wall. hahaha I need new glasses! of the superheroic geeky kind. otherwise i wont be able to read the notes of my card! hahahaha

IP

Get the P right, then we'll move on to the I.....

me? I'm just the guy sending out weekly prayer points.

Puuuuggeeeeeeee Stick Sparring

Fighters ready? READY!!
En garde! ENGARDE!!!!!
Ready, fight!!! (insert inhumanely loud battle cry here)


no matter what, the thought of sparring just puts a very fond memory in my head. Contrary to popular believe, trying to beat the living daylight out of someone is actually quite tiring. In just that measely 2 minutes of sparring, I feel as if like my whole life has been drained out of me. The first 30 seconds is full out adrenaline, then as the energy reserves run out, it becomes mind over matter. Each swing or kick becomes harder... The legs and arms become heavier. The only sound heard is the sound of my own panting. And any lapse in concentration just results in a sucker blow to your face.

That is why I spar with friends haha..... and frankly, it becomes as arranged as a professional wrestling match. Sometimes, taking that blow to the face and pretending that I'm winded earns me and my friend that extra 10-20 seconds of rest as the referee comes to check on us. Of course, the whole point of pretending is to make each other look good as well, so that the judges will be impressed by both of us. Win win situation eh?

what are 'brothers' for??? ha ha ha man the army is so full of acting nonsense and fakeness.

So here's how the script goes: the bigger guy (usually me) always puts the pressure on the smaller guy at the beginning. In that process, the match is often halted as the smaller guy complains that he cant see due to all the hits to the head. (which is obviously fake in order to get some more rest time). Then midway throught the 2 minutes, the smaller guy mounts a comeback, using his 'agility' and 'quickness' to outmaneuver the big guy. The fight seemingly evens. In the last like 30 seconds or so, it just becomes a frenzied assault against each other to create the illusion of desperation and hunger to win. Like wild animals pouncing on each other with reckless abandon. The ending goes both ways... depending on who 'won' the last sparring match.

I dont know why, but someone always gets impressed by this stupid show... They absolutely love it when both of us put up the above mentioned stupid show. I get comments like 'good fight' and 'can i spar with you?' after that (the latter which I obviously decline)... I think both of us can act better than jean claude van damme in a fighting scene... hahaha

***

Onto other stuff: The weekend has been.... cant really find a word to describe it. But I liked it, despite of all the uncertainties and fear i felt in my head. It's really about believing in what i cannot see. Faith. I know that it won't be easy next year. Every single fibre of my being knows its gonna be a challenge. Dying to self, taking up the cross. Me a leader in that capacity? I never thought that I would be at this crossroads. In fact I would have never even thought about taking the path laid before me based on what I did or who I am. but its all about what the did at the cross. Grace will see me through (:

Soccer on saturday was er.... We got taken to school and back. A few times. hahaha but all in good fun. I will really miss the soccer guys when they're gone. The core of the team: TMH and SS... I really hope i get to play in their testimonial match. It's one match I WILL play my heart out.

Caught up with some old friends and my family on msn. My dad was to do accupuncture on me when i get back. hahaha and apparently one of my friends is out of the losers' club. hahahaha its just nice to talk and to catch up (:

HONOUR HIM

What Maketh a Man?

1 Ki 2:2 '...So be strong, show youself a man.'
King David on his deathbead, used to above words to challenge his son Solomon. He stressed the connection between acting capable and being strong.

1 Cor 16:13 'Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.'
Paul's charge to the men of Corinth. He wasnt telling them to be arrogant or to feel the need to prove themselves to others. He was encouraging them to act legtimately confident as they contend with the challenges of life. And it was an instruction, not a suggestion.

Being strong and coming through for others is something (not everything) essential in masculinity and the world/society has sadly twisted that view. Strength is a gift from God and there is more to it than being PHYSICALLY strong.

Every guy is born with a an essential strength that is central to his heart and unique in its expression. The act of expressing strength could be in physcially heroic measures to protect or rescue someone in harm's way. Other times it could be shown by speaking up or making a difficult choice. There are moments when quiet strength is expressed through a look or a presence that tells others that he means business.

However its expressed, its really about stepping up when called for. Its about assertiveness and movement versus passivity and paralysis. Forging ahead and making tough and unpopular decisions. To stand one's ground in face of strong oppostion. Above all, its about rising up and being big enough to admit when we're wrong.

However, masculine strength DOES NOT imply SUPERIORITY or greater value. Neither does it mean that guy has to cut out his gracious/humble and gentle side. Its as important for guys not to be gentle at the expense his strength, or the other way round.

There is nothing sexist or chauvinistic about this post. Both genders reflect the strength and tenderness of their creator. More so importantly, strength is an important starting point in making a man. Even mentioning that, loving God, putting Christ in the center of our lives, surrendering to God and submitting to his will is such a vital part in how a guy should be. (as well as girls)

Guys have taken enough of a bad rap already. Why toture ourselves somemore by being unedifying in our speech and thoughts, not honouring those around us and for that matter of fact hurting others... And even more so using the words 'we're guys' to cover up our own mistakes.

I admit that there are areas in my own life that definitely needs working on. Being a Man of God takes time and refinement

Maleness is not villanous. It's a reflection of God. There's no need to apologize for it but at the same time, there's always a need to be open and to see our own shortcomings and to repent.

Blessed are the pure in heart. For they will see God.

Gin!

Havent copied/doodled in a while. I really have to improve my photo-taking skills. Dont ask me why all anime characters look unrealistic all the time. That's just the way it is.

FYI again....

Jon is NOT perpetually sad.

Yes, unlike what most common folk believe, I am capable of happiness. There are things that will bring a smile to my face. And I know that deep down, I have joy. It's just that I dont express it physically that often.

Happiness and Joy does not equal the 'Hee Hee HA HA' comedic relief. There is much more than that.

I 'fess that I brood over stuff sometimes, but hey, that doesnt mean I'm down and out k? If I need a break, it doesnt mean that I'm not ok. You don't have to be sick to take leave :) Think of it as a..... holiday/retreat.

William

It's close to 3am, and I just finished an Aussie Burger.
On my way home just now, I had this uncontrollable urge to listen the song 'Shakespeare in Love' by Layla Kaylif. After scouring the net to find an old song, I finally downloaded both the acoustic and radio version.

Is this song melancholic? Don't think so. Albeit sappy, I kinda like this song. Maybe its the whole shakespeare in love phrase. It just sounds... catchy?

He's fought and he's fallen
He's on his knees before he's on his feet
A sinister romantic
Oh, he's about to be and she's about to see

Teachin' torches to burn bright
She's hanging on the cheek of night
A snowy dove trooping with crows
He never saw true beauty till tonight

And NO. This song doesnt reflect anything about me in anyway.

ANYWAY... on to other stuff. I think i shall finally pull off my long awaited disappearing act this Friday. Been preparing it for ages... man and its gonna be a big one. This Friday, BGR Talk, Home Cell.... hat-trick anyone?? sigh I always claim I need a break, but I still end up going for it anyway.

I miss fabulouslyfreefridays.
I miss Sydney and the sunny beaches.

FYI

For those who are interested and those not really interested also:

MUNDANITY & ROUTINE in Jon's Life

Predisclaimer: I am not responsible in anyway if you fall asleep reading this post because of the small print or the content.

This basically sums up what happens to me during the whole week. As you can tell from above, its pretty much the SAME every week hence I've got nothing much interesting to blog about besides my thoughts. anyway here goes:

MONDAY: Yes I know some say Monday isnt the first day of the week. But Monday is the start of the work/study week, at least for me... coz i've got class EVERYDAY

Monday is the first of my long days in uni every week. Lectures in the morning. Actually I have lectures every morning and yes i'm used to it by now. Then there's this thing called microbes lab in the afternoon, in which i look at microscopic nasties that cause people a whole lot of pain, trauma and not so pleasant side effects, as well as doing case studies. It's actually quite interesting, but having it on Monday afternoon is just a bummer. Then I go for grocery shopping. Bum around at home for a while, then go for prayer meets at night. Technically, i dont get any work done on Mondays.

TUESDAY TO THURSDAY: Basically the same everyday. Lectures in the morning. Then I go home and hibernate/sleep and hopefully get some work done at night. Let me stress once and again: I DO NOT DO OCF STUFF ON THESE 3 DAYS.... unless you make an appointment 2 weeks in an advance. ha ha. just kidding. If you ask nicely enough, I will consider and it really depends who you are. hahahaha kidding kidding

FRIDAY: Looong day again. Classes in morning, labs in the afternoon. I start to run low when i reach the end of the day. PRayer meets recharge me, but I'm still tired physically. So therefore i often seem tired when I'm at Union House. In case you dont know me well enough. People drain me. Large groups of people really really drain me. ok talking to the right people do cheer me up, but in general on Friday nights, I just dont feel at tip top condidtion, especially if things go 'way outta hand' (if you catch my drift).

SATURDAY AND SUNDAYS: Mannn. i'm so bored of writing about my mundane routine life, I've decided to stop. To spare myself the typing and to spare you the reading.

So this is the life of mine. Nothing really interesting down under on a usual week. Unless people want me to blog about inflammations, mycobacterium, glycolysis... ha

The Other Side

Some get dreams, visions or signs.
Me?
I just get the increasing awareness of my own shortcomings and failings. Areas of my life that really need to be tweaked and handed over. To let His work be done in me.

Less of me, and more of You.

Uncertainty

The ball rolls to his feet nicely. One foot back, cushion in nicely.... and the ball was at his feet.

Taking a quick look, he sees his teammate running down the flank. All part of the coach's plan... As what the coach predicted, he saw the opening.

'Pass the ball once u see him running. The space will be there.'

Simple instruction. He knew he could do it. The mind and body started to work in unison. Push the ball forward, step up to it, swing the leg back, aim abit to the front of the running man, time the pass, hit the ball with the side of the foot and follow through.

'Easy... I can do this,' he thought

Suddenly, his body froze. Even though he practiced passes a thousand times during training, he suddenly felt fear set it....

'I'm not gonna make it. I cant make the pass, the ball's not gonna make it to him...'

And fear leads to doubt...

'Should i even pass it? It's all part of the plan isnt it? What if I misunderstood the plan?'

And hence the 'what if's' set in...

First Chance, Last Impression

There is so much to learn. Pride is a like a latent disease we all have. We think we dont have it, we cant see it, but more often than not, it's like a poison inside us and we dont even know it....

My mom used to say that my weakness is that I dont take lessons and criticism very well.. haha just like my dad. Humility is a lesson I always need to learn. The antidode to pride.

------------

On to other things, how does one know that God is the centre of one's ___________?
Oh well, I guess its really having faith that God will provide for one's future, even ______.

Pieces of a puzzle

God speaks! In an amazing way... It's like doing a jigsaw puzzle, we cant see the whole picture at first, but as more pieces of the puzzle fits in, the picture slowly can be seen.

What initially doesnt seem to make sense, eventually becomes a key piece in the whole puzzle.

What doesnt seem to make sense to one person, might make complete sense to another.

It is some sort of confirmation... A reason for me to stay on. A clearer vision of what needs to be done. The primary reason I'm hanging around. The ship is stopping, and the way things are going, I dont think I'm stepping of the ship and onto the harbour.

Freedom

And my house will be house of prayer...

It's so true that I wouldn't be who I am today without God. That my life now is a an answered prayer to many people who have prayed for me. Thank You.

A house of prayer. What does it really mean? I believe its so much more than prayer meets, combined corporate prayers on Fridays. It goes to the bedrooms, the classrooms, the labs, the cafeterias... our lifestyle. Where each and every believer prays in his own time just because he simply wants to seek and talk to his or her Father. Even more than that... a culture of prayer, knowing and having faith that God is leading other people to pray for yourself. Even when one is down, hurt and feeling unsupported, he/she still has that silent confidence in God and in fellow brothers and sisters. Confidence that others are supporting him/her in prayer, that people are putting on the armour of God, keeping alert and praying for him.

Will everyone have that confidence one day? Will that ever be possible in OCF? Does dreams come true? Do I pray for and believe in miracles? More importantly, am i allowing God to do his good work and miracles??

------------------------

'Take hold of my hand, and I will bring you places you never ever dreamed possible. I will show you things you will never ever dream of seeing. I will show you the extent of my goodness. '

'But I am already holding on to you...'

'I want all of you, Jon. Now give me your other hand.'

Buster

TFN.... again

Blitz

Somethings i will never be sure of. Somethings i will never ever know how to handle properly. I can only treat every mistake made as a lesson learnt, an area to improve on...

Remeber not the days of my youth.
I will forget the shame of my youth.

Letting go? Definitely. Its time to release my hold on the past... Slowly but surely, I will let it go. My identity is in You.



Does the past circumstances define who I am today?
Perhaps so
But does the past determine who I will be in the future?




Definitely not...

To be rebuked

'You think you know something? I tell you, you know nothing...'

I thank You for Your mercy and unfailing love.

Duel

I'd never thought I would have felt this way anymore....
It's the simple wish of that innocent birthday girl, that sparked this once again.

They say blood is thicker than water, and it really is.

I always lived in your shadows. Hehz see the irony of it? I'm so tall, yet I always felt that I was in your shadow. You were the shrewd, the street smart, the independent one, the survivor, the fit and the strong. You still are and most likely will always be.

But in certain ways, even though I was in your shadows, I liked it there. I was proud of you. You were a leader in more ways than one... I looked up to you, admired you. In some ways i wanted to be like you and somehow I truly think that part of me has been modelled after you.

'That's him, the one in the red beret.....'
'Yup he's got a job in Sydney and he loves it there!'


Now my heart just bleeds when i think of you. How the mighty have fallen. I tell myself there's nothing i can ever possibly do. But deep down, i silently wished i had the power to change something and not feel so helpless....


**********

58 and 62... Sometimes, just maybe this few years really is a dream that is too good to be true.

Abyss

Climb, climb, climb.... Will I ever climb out of this pit if I keep sinning?
Everybody's searching for intimacy...and sin really hinders it.

Sin makes me feel extremely disgusted at myself. And the perfectionist side of me starts to blame myself. An endless cycle? I think not, but sometimes it seems so. Sometimes i look around... am i the only one struggling with it?? People like to talk and share about their victories, but what about when they fail/fall??? This isnt even about struggling, it's about plain blatant failing.

The only thing I know is that on my own strength, I really cant even do anything right. Even living day to day.


Blessed are those who ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord.
Blessed are those keep his statutes, and seek Him with all their hearts.
They do nothing wrong, they walk in his ways.
You have laid down precepts, that are to be fully obeyed.
Oh that my ways were steadfast, in obeying your decrees!
That I will not be put to shame, when i consider all your commands.
I will praise you with and upright heart, as i learn your righteous laws.
I will obey your decress, do not utterly forsake me.

Can this ever truly be my Psalm one day?


On to something else:

So what shall I put in the column for my religion? The beach? The sun? Sleep? Used to go to church regularly as a child but have stopped ever since. So in that case shall I consider myself a Christian? I do believe in a god out there but which is the right one? Definitely wouldn’t consider Master Yoda the one.

A touch of humour, but also with a tinge of sadness. Some questions are better left unasked....

Chaos

BEAUTIFUL DAY! totally awesome weather. It really made me smile the whole day (at least up till to now). Plenty of sunlight, cool weather, gentle breezes... Seldom get this kind of weather here in Melbourne. Trust me... too much gloom and overcast weather really drains the life out of people. The FINE weather really makes me feel younger..... or maybe not. ha ha

Lesson learnt today: I cant play 4 hours staight of sports anymore. I am definitely no longer 18... No longer the young student who would just run to the courts after school, and just play the whole afternoon away. Got OUR asses handed to us by a bunch of kids... hahaha the basketball OS doesnt boot up that fast after a long game of soccer. Oh well nevertheless it was good fun. The feeling of tiredness, of adrenaline, of breathlessness, of knowing that every muscle cell was being worked was plain goood...

Man if i was in sydney, i would be at a beach somewhere now.... haha then again the weather in sydney everyday is this good. only melb has this depressing weather. haha

Gaia

Five loaves of bread and two fishes. That is all I have to offer. Beyond that, I can do nothing on my own. haha in all my wretchedness, He still chooses to use me. I dont know why, but that's just how amazing it is. In my weakness, His strength is made perfect :)

Hmmmm on to something random. Here's my dream christmas, AKA a dramatic elaboration of what I hope one day will happen. Not the whole 'lonely, lonely christmas' nonsense that we used to talk about.

I wish that one christmas, that i will stumble upon the most beautiful church building ever... Not the kind with all the plasma screens, cushioned seats, high tech stuff, funky architecture. Rather a OLD quaint little church, complete with stained glass, a classical organ, candles and pews. In all its simplicity, looking insignificant but yet so beautiful.

On that Christmas night, the choir will sing and lift their praises. No drums, no electrical guitars, just plain beautiful voices....

'Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born; '
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Yes that is my favourite christmas carol... There's just something about it. The awe and reverence. O holy night....

Its just nice not to be caught up in festivities during Christmas but to enjoy the simple and beautiful fact of Christmas.

Heck its not even christmas now... haha am i really looking forward to the holidays???

Raider

It's painful to learn from mistakes. Some people learn lessons the easy way, others tend to choose the hard way. I tend to be the latter....

It's a vicious cycle. They claim the best form of defense is offense. The only way to ensure you dont get stabbed is to stab the other guy first. It's a dog eat dog world they say. Every man for himself. Once you get drawn into the cycle, once you take that first stab, it's never ending. It's sad, really really sad. At the end of the day, you just look back and feel disgusted at what you've done. Maybe you wont even feel it, cause you're already so used to it.

Thankfully and hopefully, I never have to learn from that mistake anymore....

Forbidden

Many a man claim to have unfailing love,
but a faithful man who can find?

Calamity

She stared at him, trying to fathom what was going through his mind. She could never ever do it, even though they were friends since they were kids. Then again, did she knew him at all??

The eyes, the smile, the silver hair. A facade that he put up? The eyes that were constantly slitted and the wide smile that was virtually plastered to his place wherever he went. She never saw his eyes, neither did she ever see him frown. It was fake. Everything about him was surreal. She knew that he was always hiding something, maybe not from her, but he was hiding something definitely.

'Do you trust me?' He asked.

Stopped in her tracks. Her train of thoughts was immediately derailed. Like an arrow that hit the target, it was as if he was psychic. She was frightened, yet in some weird way, she felt so complied to nod her head... and she did.

Did she trust or not trust him? Her heart said yes, but her mind would tell her otherwise... But then again, she always followed her heart.

Providence

I am definitely not a visionary, neither am I prophetic.

but i do know that

I fall, I keep stumbling, I doubt, I cry out, I get disillusioned, I struggle, I complain, I get angry and impatient, I sin. Is that it means to lead by doubt? I am still learning and struggling with brokeness... To yield everything to Him and realise on my own there is NOTHING i can do correct. To know Him more and to follow Him....

I know that only by His more than sufficient grace and love, the weak will say I am strong. That is good enough. I'm human and real. I'm no super-saint...

Is this what u people are looking for?

So beautiful

Man... i'm not getting alot of studying done. urgh and now the mid sems are 40%. Absolutely lovely. hehz

Oh well on to other stuff...

It's quite saddening to see how disputes/disagreements can turn out. Name calling, backstabbing, scheming.... and we call ourselves educated people. Knowledge puffs up... It really does... like a puff pastry. which looks so oh big and nice but when u bite into it, there's nothing in it but air and it shatters into pieces, makes a mess and can never really satisfy you.

Pretty thankful that nothing really happened while i was over at the 'warzone'. I really dont like to be looking at arguments and quarrels, much less butt my head into a fight. Its even more complicated when friends are involved and emotions are running high. Is it innate? to fight? to quarrel? is it part of human nature? Only the fit, mean and nasty survive???? I dont know....

Support?

Brokeness and surrender.
To remove what is left of me, to erase the duplicity....

Previous Generation

Sometimes, looking what has happened before me really scares me.

When I look into the mirror sometimes, I wonder is that a hypocrite staring back at me? Has this mouth of mine brought death and condenmation upon myself??

I can say and write a million things. For that matter of fact THINK about many a things but at the end of the day, when push comes to shove, when its time for actions to speak louder than words, am I the first one to back up what i say with actions? Am I the first one to stand up in adversity??

Or are you going to run away AGAIN Jon???? Is that what you do best? run and hide and cower in fear???

Honestly, sometimes I just feel that all that's inside me is a cesspool of cowardice and hypocrisy. Am I really what you guys think i am???

You're a Winner

Unfortunately, I dont think that finding Staphylococcus aureus on my normal flora would qualify me as a winner of any sort. I'm sorry but unlike my demonstrator, I'm not as excited to find a potential killer bug in my throat.

But then again... That was probably the highlight of my day thus far. Upon further conclusions drawn, the fact that both and my housemate have Staph Aureus on our normal flora only means that the apartment could be a living breeding ground for staph Aureus. Absolutely lovely. Yes school is boring....

Feelings

Woke up this morning, felt this sense of ...... Can't put my finger on it.

You get a good position, someone passes you the ball and you freeze up.

In other words, the ball is now in my court... yet...

Mixed Cocktail

Hmmm where do i even start?

It's funny how you can chat (ok msn) so easily with some people although you dont know them really well in the first place? haha altruistic??? Am i altruistic?? I really never thought of myself that way. But to hear it from someone else is er..... new?? I am definitely not that noble. However in some certain way, I like to see other people happy, sometimes even at the expense of my own.

'I dont deserve to be happy...' Sometimes i think that way, and i know its really wrong but but i cant help it at times. argh oh well... but i really really like to see people happy, for the right reasons of course....

hmmm onto other stuff.

There really is a fine line b/w being concerned and being kaypoh as some of my frens say. That is so true. Like i said, its not nice being common knowledge.

Oh and had dinner with the fat couple again! hahaha oh man i think they read this blog now. It's funny to like take a dig at the whole committee thing. Reflection night, pukiful!??, learning what sick things makes a med student laugh. hahaha but jokes aside, I will definitely take the decision of __________ seriously but i think know what to do for now... hahaha BUT I am definitely serious about skipping 1 or 2 Friday nights! Hey some people have dashboard as an escape!!!! hahahaha thankfully i know the rough audience of my blog... kidding kidding. If I am gonna skip, I'll wont drag others down :) Even some form of criminal has ethics.

Hmmmm and since when did I even end up on the 'PROFILE CHART'??? I'm like what the??? I wanted to avoid that from the start. Oh man... I do feel abit disgusted.

oh and girls think ALOT... complicated creatures they are. yar but despite all that. guys still like girls. the weirdness of it all. Problems, issues, things not yet done... all these will always be there, until our dying breath.

I am not saying that we should just forget and wash our hands off all these problems and issues, but then again there's no pt being over vexed about all that's happening around. There's a difference between responsibility and feeling guilty over something??

Hmmm sometimes its just so funny how questions are answered. When i asked to see His heart, did He show me brokeness?? It's really funny how these few weeks has been adding up so nicely... and I thought that there was silence. I am so of little faith... humbling to say the least.

I asked : 'Teach me what to do. What is the direction for me?'
He said: 'I am with you'

I asked: 'Show me your glory'
He said: 'What you need is not my glory, but my goodness.'

Knowing where I'm going is less important that knowing who I'm walking with.

Maybe that night, it wasnt anguish or grief or even sorrow. It was brokeness I saw.
'A broken and contrite heart, He does not despise' It was surrender. The hardest thing to do is to really mean, "Thy will be done".

Leaving it as you found it... hmmm I think that pretty much answers my ________ question in my mind.

I walk with God, not with the idea of God.
I pray, not because I want answers, because I want to understand Him better.
And His goodness, mercy and grace will be with me... till my dying breath. Amen.

I could sing of your love forever

Despite of all its flaws and faults, OCF is still a beautiful place to be in.

Sometimes, to see people happy really makes me happy too. To see everyone enjoying themselves, to see God touching and working in their lives, to see people worship with all their hearts. Its really comforts me to see that and it definitely puts a smile on my face.

It has definitely been an utmost privillege to serve in OCF. Really really a great opportunity and privillege to pray for people from OCF. To see that God answers prayers and choose to use OCF Melb Uni to do his will really humbles me. To see God work in the lives of the people around me really makes me happy.

Sometimes, my answered prayers are really on of the best rewards i have on this Earth. And the answered prayers are all in the people around me :)



Yup just another rant: It's not about the words we say in our prayer, not about the vocab we use, not about the number of verses we quote in a prayer. It's not even about how long or how eloquent our prayers are. Definitely it's not about whether your prayer can make anyone cry, whether does it stir up the hearts of other people or not. It's not about that at all.

It's about heart and attitude. A repentant heart, a humble attitude, a God fearing and God seeking heart. A heart of love. A heart that has faith which gives rise to hope.

If that is so, if the heart is right, even the simplest of prayers with the simplest of words will bring a smile to the face of our Lord. If the heart is right, God will listen to your questions and queries. He prefers honest disagreement rather than dishonest submission. It's all about communication and building a relationship.

The Heart

Today's message was one that was really of my heart.
Something that's on my heart, and something that really spoke to me, that just gave me a silent and quiet conviction to carry on.

Faith Hope and Love. Wow....

I really dont think I'm particularly gifted at anything. Maybe that was one of reasons (although wrong) that I initially had for praying. Since i couldnt get anything right, I might as well humble myself and pray for people. But it was a whirlwind ride ever since. To see things I have never seen before, to hear things, to learn, to experience grace, to hunger to know God more. Its been exciting.

'Teach me how to pray.' And he really answered beyond my wildest dreams. Soon that dreams became a desire to see other people pray and desire to know God. To pray even for people who arent saved. The heart expands when you desire to know God better. Only by his grace.

To BOB: I'd rather see my cell group be on fire for God rather than being on fire for activities, for that matter of fact on fire for each other. That really is my heartfelt prayer for you guys.

To J (you know who you are): Since God has showed you his direction you, it's gonna be an exciting journey for you even though u might be leaving. God has really answered my prayers for you and I'm really happy and thankful for that. Continue to walk with him. God uses the flawed and seriously melancholic people like us! Have faith!

I struggle with prayer. The discipline to pray and seek God on a REALLY regular basis. To have the correct heart even when praying for supplication or interceding for people. To always put God at the focus of it all. Its hard, but I believe that God will give me the strength to do it.

Right now, i'm feeling like David when he wrote Psalm 27. Its something that will stay with me for a while. And i shall wait. Blessed be Your Name

It's funny

How different versions of the Bible can give different insights:

Mic 6:8

He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?


OR

But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don't take yourself too seriously—
take God seriously.


:)

Hmmph

Baka baka baka!!

$%#$% no baka


then again... maybe i am the idiot

Not all who wander are lost

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD. Ps 27:14

Love never fails... His love never fails...
Enough said.

5 Day Work Week

A retreat sounds good for now... to escape and to wait upon, to anticipate, to seek, to understand better, to refocus, to set the heart right. Love Faith and Hope

If one did nothing because he tells himself he wont make a difference, he'd end up doing less.

To throw down everything and to run after you...

At the end, sorrow and anguish will be just a foreign concept...
Every tear will be wiped off, along with all sadness and unbearable pain.

For now, hope will suffice.

Random Questions

Sometimes, the process in which one comes to make a decision is more important than the decision itself.

What are we convicted of?

Mundanity reflects stability?

What are our motives?

Where does our heart lie?

How long is this going to last?

What now?