Mixed Cocktail

Hmmm where do i even start?

It's funny how you can chat (ok msn) so easily with some people although you dont know them really well in the first place? haha altruistic??? Am i altruistic?? I really never thought of myself that way. But to hear it from someone else is er..... new?? I am definitely not that noble. However in some certain way, I like to see other people happy, sometimes even at the expense of my own.

'I dont deserve to be happy...' Sometimes i think that way, and i know its really wrong but but i cant help it at times. argh oh well... but i really really like to see people happy, for the right reasons of course....

hmmm onto other stuff.

There really is a fine line b/w being concerned and being kaypoh as some of my frens say. That is so true. Like i said, its not nice being common knowledge.

Oh and had dinner with the fat couple again! hahaha oh man i think they read this blog now. It's funny to like take a dig at the whole committee thing. Reflection night, pukiful!??, learning what sick things makes a med student laugh. hahaha but jokes aside, I will definitely take the decision of __________ seriously but i think know what to do for now... hahaha BUT I am definitely serious about skipping 1 or 2 Friday nights! Hey some people have dashboard as an escape!!!! hahahaha thankfully i know the rough audience of my blog... kidding kidding. If I am gonna skip, I'll wont drag others down :) Even some form of criminal has ethics.

Hmmmm and since when did I even end up on the 'PROFILE CHART'??? I'm like what the??? I wanted to avoid that from the start. Oh man... I do feel abit disgusted.

oh and girls think ALOT... complicated creatures they are. yar but despite all that. guys still like girls. the weirdness of it all. Problems, issues, things not yet done... all these will always be there, until our dying breath.

I am not saying that we should just forget and wash our hands off all these problems and issues, but then again there's no pt being over vexed about all that's happening around. There's a difference between responsibility and feeling guilty over something??

Hmmm sometimes its just so funny how questions are answered. When i asked to see His heart, did He show me brokeness?? It's really funny how these few weeks has been adding up so nicely... and I thought that there was silence. I am so of little faith... humbling to say the least.

I asked : 'Teach me what to do. What is the direction for me?'
He said: 'I am with you'

I asked: 'Show me your glory'
He said: 'What you need is not my glory, but my goodness.'

Knowing where I'm going is less important that knowing who I'm walking with.

Maybe that night, it wasnt anguish or grief or even sorrow. It was brokeness I saw.
'A broken and contrite heart, He does not despise' It was surrender. The hardest thing to do is to really mean, "Thy will be done".

Leaving it as you found it... hmmm I think that pretty much answers my ________ question in my mind.

I walk with God, not with the idea of God.
I pray, not because I want answers, because I want to understand Him better.
And His goodness, mercy and grace will be with me... till my dying breath. Amen.