Returnees came and went (: Somehow I think I'm in no position to say anything to them at all, cause I have never returned before. I'm really glad P came up to share, the advice of someone who has went before is definitely invaluable. I guess the least I can do is really to pray, as well as keep in touch with people? Sending back definitely is much more than we think it is.
Testimonies.... haha here's one for the returnee that didnt go. He was my first cell group leader in OCF. Ok let's start with the cliche things (which I am really thankful for): Without him asking me to be cell prayer IC, my life wouldnt have changed into the way it is now. He always kept that listening ear out, he over-ate, when he said he didnt wanna go for OCF, he was honest with me and we went elsewhere on Friday night, he had his fair share of quarrels and problems but he always quietly serves. HE WAS REAL. Therefore I really thank God for that.
It's interesting to see everyone dressed up as rockstars. I say leave the fun to the young people. Let the old people like me just sit behind and laugh at the younglings.
On a totally different note, I sometimes really wonder am I giving my best when I serve. I look at Friday and Monday PMs and I start to think why is there such a big disparity (not only in numbers but in emphasis as well)? Is it my fault that I have somehow neglected Friday's PM? Should one be more important than another? That really shouldnt be, but somehow i get the feeling that people think it is. Maybe I have been too slipshort/haphazard about Fridays and too carelessly allowing the promotion of Mondays only. Fridays are becoming much harder to lead than Mondays. I started off with Fridays and sometimes my heart really weeps when I see Fridays now. I want people to come on their own will and I dont wanna force them. Have I lost focus? Is this the way it should be, I really dont know but nevertheless there must be something more than this... I really have to ask for and about both Mondays and Fridays properly.
It's scary sometimes to think that there's so much issues to settle and I have L coming in. It's like asking someone over but not cleaning up the house properly. Sometimes I look at L and just see this earnest look in L's eyes to learn. And I dont even know what to do/ where to start sometimes.
I like it when everyone is gone from north dining. After the process of packing up, rearranging the chairs and tables, I just like to stand around and just look at people slowly streaming out of the place. I would stick around to the end, and make sure that no one leaves anything behind as well as ensuring everything is put back into place. Once everyone leaves the place, and the doors are closed, the lights are switched off. North dining is plunged back into silence and darkness after a vibrant Friday night. In that darkness and silence, all I can say is:
Thank You.
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